Thursday, March 10, 2011
Oh how I desire a football
I met a woman and she told me that her name was "OHDESIREFOOTBALLTICKETS" Ohdesire was a small soul and she just wanted to go to the Los Angeles Raiders game three times a year. OhD was interesting and she smelled like cocoa butter, but the problem was she really draped herself in a gown that was covered by cinnamon and she stunk of a bad combination of scents. I missed Ohdesire's birthday one year and she offered me a smile saying it was OK. She really just wanted football tickets and she knew that I just didn't have enough money to buy her even a popcorn at the game. So she left my company and bought herself some Superbowl Tickets and then she went to the grocery store. At the store she bought some avocados and some pears and then she chopped them both up into a pear and pear salad. It really did seem like a smart thing since Avocados are pears and so are the pears on the pear trees. But it did not taste just right. It made her mad that no one wanted to taste her pear and pear salad. She agonized over this for three years before tossing the salad in the trash compactor never to make it again. I don't know what happened to OhDesireFootballTickets but she really made a mark on my baseball game card that I'll never forget. She wrote "I think you killed Glenn Beck". I laughed. Glenn was my best friend every day and I watched him religiously. I even sent Glenn an autographed copy of a 1000 page book that I wrote that was as good as War and Peace. That book is now in the Smithsonian Institute and OhDesire is no longer my friend.
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Subject: Re: a new story for your collection of fairy tales!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteDate: 3/10/2011 10:55:44 A.M. Eastern Standard Time
From: Ohdesire@aol.com
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To: sorceroroflite52@aol.com
Craig,
Your "fairytale" is nothing more than a conglomerate of meaningless sentences. It was unwarranted and unsolicited . In a word... nonsense.
I have no idea what your malady, save that it is rife with the asinine and vicious. Your grandiose puffery is lost on me. I see it as pathetic. The conundrum with you, is what part is true manifestation, and what part simply takes advantage of the former.
I have no interest in you. None. I will advise you this however. Don't let this flight of twisted fancy you indulged, turn into harassment. That would be folly. I won't abide it.
As for your book being "as good as War and Peace", I doubt it was as good as "See Spot Run".
I don't like you. Your constant reference to me and others, employing the word "whore", was beyond offensive. Remember this........In life, it is best to know with whom you have the pleasure of the dance. You sir, have no idea.
As for being your friend, I was never your friend.
Let this be your first and last missive to me. That would be a sage notion that you should embrace.
Your mastery of expression is astounding to say the least. Pure genius !! What a loss for OLDdesire that you are no longer her friend. She should be kept on eternal iggywhore.
ReplyDeleteOh D is a busy bee. I just hope that the docs give her a fair spin on the couch too :)
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