Rice Man Cometh

There once was a man named Gary.  He was an Oldsmobile salesman and he liked to talk to the children at the mall.  Gary was a fun guy and he ate a lot of strawberry and banana yogurts in life. 
Gary found a crisp, perfect and clean dollar bill one day on the floor in the medical center when he went to the bathroom one day when he was visiting his best friend, Gregory Peccadillo of the Horse Farm in the town of Provost, Utah.  Gary picked up the dollar bill but fretted as he did not know to whom it really belonged.  He really did not wish to keep the said dollar bill as he thought that perhaps it really belonged to a nice person who really was short on money.  So he offered the dollar bill to the following people: The Pope, the King of France and the President of the Russian Federation.  They all said that sadly he was the one who should aught to keep the dollar.  Gary realized this was true and kept the dollar.  But that said, he has not been enthusiastic about his personal gain. He keeps the dollar bill in a jar in his spare bedroom and offers it to any person who may indeed share a night in his house.   It was not the problem that he wanted to think he might have, a dollar from another soul who might be in trouble.  So if a troubled traveler might come to visit Mr. Gary Voom, then Gary might think that his troubles would be less with a crispy clean and perfect single dollar bill in that person's bill fold.  Thus it was.

Clickity Clack the Linebacker

There exists a fellow named Freddy Flack and he was a quick draw in the shoot em up games of life. Fred was short and simple and he always wore his prized cannon gun that he liked to touch when he woke from sleep, when he took the phone off the hook and when he opened his mail that came from the post office.
Clickity Clack went the gun and Fred was marveled by its weight.
So one day Fred tried out for the national football team. He was short, but that didn't stop him. He weighed four hundred pounds and found that he could block all of the people who tried to oppose him on the football field. Good news for Fred, he entered the Draft and became an NFL Linebacker. It was the life he never thought he would have had, but that considered, he knew he would do just well at the job.
So Fred blocked all of the three hundred pound players and got himself a hall of fame entry in just two years time.
That was an achievement and Fred knew that it was a good plan to be strong and courageous.
Soon Fred realized that his gun was a neat gun and that it might need other guns to keep it company. He bought a new gun each day after he was sufficiently funded, but that was not enough. He soon wanted a real cannon for his front yard. Fortunately our friend, Fred found a good cannon from an old civil war battle ship and he soon was in business.
Each morning at four am, Fred went out and lit up the cannon and fired a cannon ball into the neighbor's front yard. They actually did not mind as they liked the divots it made in their grass and their garden. This was interesting as no one else in the neighborhood had divots and the divots were easy to repair and made for nice firm soil for the cacti that they liked to plant later.
So Fred the Linebacker was in good spirits and good health and he had a nice job to achieve his dreams that he must indeed command from himself on the battlefield of life.
That was all good and fine, but along came another Linebacker one day and this one actually weighed six hundred and fifty pounds. This new linebacker named Moe was smart and shocked Fred. Moe danced a nice dance too when he leveled the other players. Moe was smart and instead of carrying a gun, Moe carried a big stick. Moe was intelligent and he liked to chip away at trees and make more sticks. He offered Fred a stick once and Fred refused to take it. Fred rationed that he might lose his gun if he had a stick so that was definitely not a good plan.
So if you meet our Friend Fredrick with the cannon and gun collection, please remind him that his friend Moe really is not going to make the football hall of fame. Moe just does not move as fast on the battle ground. He can level a player much quicker, but Fred will always have the advantage of agility when it comes to the battleground of life. Just as long as Fred doesn't offer Moe a gun, all will be ok and Moe will keep playing and really just wants to help Fred look good too.
Thanks Fred, we will look for you after halftime someday!

FiLo the Phylum Eater

FiLo means First in and Last Out.  Its what the sharper employees all do to get their name in the business section of their employers proverbial newspaper.  They are first into the office in the morning and the last to leave. 
I happen to know a friend named Marc who is a bright star and plays basketball with a sleeve full of proverbial aces in life.  He is strong and mighty and he likes to spend time with the ladies, children and even their pets.  This guy was a top star in the work place and he continues to do much work on the side that is of great benefit to his own need of pleasure and gain.  I did not like him when we first met, but that said, Marc and I have gotten to be friends over the years.  Marc was wise and he built a great Ark for the possibility that perhaps our Creator might even one day want for another storm to drown the entire human race.  On this ark, Mark planned to take all the young babies and all the newly minted coins from the United States Mint.  This seemed a good plan as he theorized that no storm would ever drown the birds in the sky and the sea creatures in the deep.  So an ark was built and Marc was ready.  Marc played softball in the army and he lasted thirteen years in the peace forces giving out candy bars to the orphans in Cambodia and Nicaragua.  This was a good time period in his life and he wanted to always return the favor by showing up early to work and leaving late in the evening.  This was quickly recognized by his friends and employers and he soon amassed many stock options and bonuses.  So Marc whose real name was Simon the Tradesmaster was soon blessed with most anything he so desired under the sun within good reason of course.
Simon was a brilliant scholar and he went to the most glamorous of trade schools, colleges and graduate studies programs in his day.  He only wished to be named Marc as he liked the names appearance with the "c" at the end of it and he never really liked the other name Mark which made him think of a mark on the map or in the sand.   I think Marc was a fine gourmet and he enjoyed fine cigars and expensive wines as well as caviar and baklava and cinnamon treats.  I say Marc or Simon was organized but that sadly, he never knew quite where to go in his travels in life. One day Marc went to Snowshoe to go skiing and he was surprised to learn that he was not ready to hit even the smallest of the baby slopes. He quickly discovered that his feet could not handle wearing skis and that they made his legs bow and twitter and shake.   Marc AKA Simon was surprised at this as he was quite the avid fisherman and had always known himself to be a stout sailor with the legs of a boatsman and a captain of the seas.   Marc did not last long on the slopes and he quickly quit the activity to sit by the fire and smoke a cigar at the clubhouse.  So that was not the most disappointing learning experience.  I have heard that Marc has since taken up snow shoe walking and he is quite the avid snow shoe enthusiast.  He travels around the ski lodges and smokes his cigars as he treks through the snow and carries even a small copy of the King James Bible in his coat pocket.  I did not think he was such a religious fellow, but he once spoke to me about repentance and the act of sin and heresy and I figured that perhaps he had once read that book that he indeed did carry.  But that said, I have since heard he stopped carrying the book and carries a new copy of the Peanuts comic strips and that he likes to look at Snoopy while he treks in the snow from peak to peak.
So Simon, you are quite a tradesmaster having found so much to benefit from within your course of living in the American States. But that said, have you ever consider reading Calvin and Hobbes?  Or maybe Hagar the Horrible.  They might suit you just as well.  Be good out there, Marc.  I am waiting to hear your conquests in my day in the future when we most certainly will again reacquaint. 
Be good and be smart.  Best wishes, your ally from the yesteryear of life.   Simon the Ski Patrol Agent.

Crab Face Chocolate Eater

I met a villain once on the golf course of life.  He was a special fellow and worked for the aerospace industry.  I must say I can not forget that he was eating chocolate all day long and that his face was actually appearing like that of a crab with the pincers and the beady little eyes and maybe even some pointed edges.  I thought he was a bright star at one time, but the more I think about his aptitude and calibre, I realize he is really a mighty worker for the cause of self importance and eager deadly spending of turtle bait on the golf course.  What does it mean to spend "turtle bait"?  That's when you wake up and put on your cap and gown and realize that your good nature is not what got you ahead in life.  You realize that its your hostility and your cannon rhyming of words to sing to the lyrics of Batman and Beyond.   That's what really got you ahead.
So if you meet this villain of the golf course, just nod and say hello.  He probably wont remember you much anyhow, but that said, hes worth the respect of the cinema and the bookstore of your brain and the garden of your esteem to get to know and befriend.  Thanks to you, Crab Face, I now can never sit down again in an audience of blameless persons and not feel that I am to blame for the terrors of the night.  Thanks so much.  I sleep well but that said, what was the goal of being on the golf course anyhow?  Were you there to enjoy the activity and day or were you there just to chop at the turf with your chip shot of success and plenitude.  I did not mind that you made a chip shot onto the green while I was standing by the flag, but I did mind that you did not yell "fore".

Giuseppe the Toy Collector

I have a friend named Giuseppe and he must be the most old fashioned of friends I have known in all of my years.  But that said, Giuseppe was famous for his toy collection.  He collected old wooden train cars and blocks and all of the things that a nice toddler might want to have in his toy bin.   I know that Giuseppe is hungry and he really had so many toys that one might not be able to tell where the front door of his home was located when one was in Giuseppe's house.
It was a pity however, Giuseppe was too old fashioned and he criticized a catholic nun for not being completely covered in black. She had a small grey stain on her uniform from perhaps some bleach.  This really irked poor Giuseppe and he never let her forget the day he noticed that grey patch for the rest of her days.
So Giuseppe, I remember you well.  Your idea that you might be happier if you grew some molds in your apartment to make cheese was really not the smartest thing to share with others in mixed company.  Its not that we don't all think this is a useful thing to do, but its just that hearing a fellow like you with so many toys talking about molds really just made me smile a lot less when I thought of you. 
What is Giuseppe's day like today? I do not know.  He was once a match book collector as well, but I have heard that he gave up the match books when he found that he might get more toys in his house.  That's probably not the best or worst idea, but really Giuseppe.... how many toys do you really need?  And why don't you start giving to charity in the pediatric wings of the hospital.  Maybe there is a poor kid who might like a toddler toy. 
Overall, I must say that Giuseppe was not a very energetic fellow.  He just had too many toys and he just never did anything else except look for his next toy acquisition.  That was how he worked.  He tried to get a job in the fashion business, but I admit, it never worked out for him.  He never was interested in toy making either which might have served him very well. 
So if you happen to meet Giuseppe today, just say hello.  Hes too angry with himself about leaving the fashion industry if you ask me.  And those toys are all over the place.  Sorry.  But don't forget, Giuseppe will reach out to charm you if you have matches.  He still thinks he has matchbooks at home as well and has forgotten that he once thought that collecting matchbooks was a radical new way to live.  Thanks!

Daffodil the Priestess of Malaysia

There once existed a young girl and her name was Daffodil.  She was the high priestess of Malaysia proper. Daffodil was always a smart girl and she always listened to Mozart and Beethoven in her spare time.  But that was not her favorite way of enjoying her free moments.  Daffodil had a craze for strawberry and green apple bubblegum.  She would chew this gum every moment she was awake until the sun went down in the sky.  Each day was a new day for Daffodil to chew her gum. 
It was a good day always and each day Daffodil grew more sunny and cheery. 
I never saw Daffodil again after I left my home in Malaysia.  I hear she has left the nation for a new place to live today.  But that said, if you ever meet this young woman today, please offer her a deck of cards and tell her that she might be able to chew gum and play cards at the same time.  That would make Daffodil a really nice and truly friendly person.  I just suspect that if she does not play cards, she is just not that happy sitting around all day long chewing her bubble gum.   If she wants to listen to some music while she plays the cards, that would be ok, but if she stops listening to Mozart, I will be saddened a little bit.  If she gives up the Beethoven, I don't think I'd want to visit her ever again.  Best wishes in your visit with our dear Priestess and be careful if she asks you to smell her daisy collection.  Thanks.

Harold Wig Wam Ripper and Salesperson

I happen to have this special friend I met when I was in the clown guild school in my youth.  I always wanted to be a clown and so did my new friend, Harold.   Harold was interesting and had a large bassoon that he carried with him in the days I knew him in school.   Harold later ditched the bassoon in the years later that I knew him and that was very unusual.  I had always known him as a fellow who carried a bassoon.  But that did not startle me any longer.
Harold's big problem was that he liked to rip open the Wig Wams on the golf course.  He would then sell the poor wig wam dweller a new wig wam at a reduced fee.  It worked great for Harold and he did not lack for any major needs in life. 
That said, Harold was never a wig wam dweller himself.  He liked to dance around the fires at the wig wam community centers and he liked to visit wig wams and deliver brownies and cakes in the dark before sunrise.  But Harold was never quite that intelligent and never really was the best clown.  He wore a torn clown's uniform and it really was just never a funny sight in terms of him being a clown with a smiley face and silver hair.  If he had blue hair, it would work for him.  But Harold insisted that his hair must be silver.
If you ever see this clown in town, please tell him that the wig wam business is a good way to rescue poor people without a wig wam, but tell him that its really not a life if you have to rip the wig wam open to get their business.  Thanks!

Bunny the Rock Eater

I met a woman and her name is Bunny.  Bunny was a busy anesthesiology resident and she liked to run around the operating rooms from case to case and make sure that all of her patients were indeed making progress and safely in the care of her junior resident on the case at hand.   I thought bunny was interesting but sadly, she just never could stop eating rocks.  She ate big ones and she ate little ones.  She also ate red ones and green ones.  I might see Bunny painting the rocks and then later eating them for breakfast or lunch.  It never weighed her down and she always was able to expel the rock dust from her body in the restrooms when she had natures call.  But that said, it was just uncanny. 
Bunny, if you read this, more time in the sandwich line might serve you well in life.  Thanks.

Guido the popcorn sampler

I know a fellow named Guido Affleck.  He is not an actor and he is no relation to Ben Affleck.  That said, Guido was instantly my friend the day he danced in the morning sunlight and asked me for a cup of tea.  I said "sure, Guido" and Guido was always in my memory as a friend for the rest of my life.  I may or may never see Guido again in life.  But that said, I am confident that even if Guido never remembered my face or name, his instant recognition of my house would make him see that I was always there to keep him busy and out of trouble and he would never forget that I took the time to have a cup of tea with him one day. 
Best wishes for a bright future, Guido.  I met you for a few days in my lifetime and you are always a friend I know that I would trust if I needed a friend to glow in the morning in my stead.  Thanks!

Cat and Mouse Flicker, Victor Abbot

A man I met on the subway one day was named Victor Abbot.  He was a professional ice skater and he liked to dance in the morning sunlight in the hay that was left in his barn by his father from a week of work.  I did not immediately believe Victor was a trustworthy fellow, but I admit his credentials for dancing in the morning were impeccable.  That said, Victor had one major flaw.  He liked to flick cats and mice with his fore finger and give them sad little welts in their skin below their pelt.  I did not like to see this happen and I asked Victor to stop making such a terrible abuse of animals.  That said, Victor could not seem to make any change in his activity.  One day, Victor even accused me of doing the exact same thing but to dogs and to monkeys.  I never even touched a monkey in my entire life.  So if you meet Victor Abbot, please tell him that he really needs to release his aggression in a more productive way.  Perhaps he can dance on the ice in the ice skating rink or perhaps he can stop dancing in the early morning sunlight if he thinks that might keep him from flicking the poor animals.  Thanks, though Victor.  Your hostility and your quickness rubbed off on me and I now can ice skate professionally as well too.  So you are not the bad guy that they all say you are.  But that said, I just don't think I can skate with you.  Best wishes.

Sinbad the Elf Eater

A man named Sinbad exists and he eats the green and the blue elves that exist in a magical forest.  Sinbad is interesting in that he loved to pick ripe fruit off of his apple tree in the late afternoon once a week and usually during rain showers.   I miss Sinbad but I must say I never really felt he was a very friendly sort.  The elves were sadly afraid of him as if they were going to be eaten any time he appeared in the forest.  They even went so far as to carry spray paint cans around and would paint themselves orange, red and silver every time Sinbad was in the vicinity.   I did not think Sinbad was really that bad, but I do not relate a positive interaction with Sinbad the morning I went to pick an apple off his apple tree.   It just did not seem to him that there was any way a nice fellow from Georgia like myself had any right to eat apples in the first place.  He assumed that I only ate Peaches and that was all.  But I admit, I do enjoy an apple once in a while.
So if you see Sinbad, don't give him directions to your magical forest in life.  And don't ask him for his elf population in his own magical forest.  He might think that you are there to compete with him and that wont get you any apples at all.  So long, Sinbad.  I never found you to be very organized or eager to stand in the forest and save a few elves for the future.   So long.  It was really a nice day when I saw your apple tree photographs in your work office.  That's all I can say about Sinbad.  It was neat to know such a fine man who liked the blue and green elves.  As for me, I just let the elves dance in the morning and feed them apples and oranges in the twilight.  It makes them all turn red and orange and no one feels like eating a discolored elf.  Thanks!

Ticky Sticky

A man exists in the kingdom who was meted to be the spoon dancing king of humanity.  He danced on spoons so well that the entire kingdom and then some were paying attention to him on his spoon excursions.  This was interesting and he was only known for his spoon dancing and nothing else.  But that said, he wanted to change this image.  He danced on a fork and then he danced on a knife.  It just did not work for him.  No one ever cared to see his spoon dancing ever again and he lived in a fury of tears for his entire remaining years.
There is a moral here and that is if you really do one thing really well, don't try to reinvent the wheel in your days.  Its already working just find for you and if you do anything to change that fact, you are going to lose your wheel and nothing will ever be better.  Ever.  Thanks!

Tonto the Bug Zapper

There exists a man in the kingdom of many who exists simply to zap bugs that walk on our sidewalks.  His name is Tonto but he is a Venezuelan and not Native either.  Tonto amuses me in many ways but his big bug zapping suitcase is the key to all of his success.  Tonto zaps bugs on his way to work and on his way to the store. I believe in Tonto and will always welcome him into my life.  It is like reading the funny papers when he smiles.  I just think that Tonto lost his bug zapper in some sense as mostly today, he just goes to the store with a regular suitcase and his bug zapping days are sadly closed in many ways.  But that's ok.  He still has that bug zapping suitcase and I know he will keep using it for his entire life.

Ruby the Car Thief

I met a nice woman named Ruby the other day.  She shares peaches with honest people who like to display hood ornaments on their vehicles.  But Ruby sadly has a secret that she does not share very often.  She is actually a car thief.  She steals cars and then returns them to their owners waxed and washed and with a small rose on the front seat.  I thought that Ruby was a friend of sorts and I am sure that she "means well".  But that said, if she ever steals my vehicle again, I am sure to call the police.
Thanks!

Grill Therapist in Oakland, California

There exists a fellow in Oakland California named Ed who was once a master car rental business man. He was wise and fluent in three different languages, French, Spanish and Croatian. I might look him up some time because it is rumored that if your rental car does not drive very well, Ed will visit it and talk to its front grill. This was a good past time for Ed and he really liked to know what the grill was thinking. Was the grill happy to be on that particular vehicle? Did it ever have an interaction with another vehicle's grill? Was it just happy in general? Ed was so good that people from all around visited him. He was once an Oakland Raiders fan, but he does prefer the A's in watching major league baseball today.
So if you meet Ed, anywhere, please remind him that the Oakland Raiders are still pretty neat and that he might want to watch a game sometime. Truly that idea of talking to car grills is fascinating. It is said that Ed might in fact write a few books on this topic. But I hope that Ed is not too concerned if someone might accidentally bump into one of his favorite automobile grills in a front end collision. Say cheese!

Antenna Layer from Stonybrook Farm

There once was a man who laid antennas down on the ground in his spare time. The antenna did not have any significant purpose but this fellow who we will call Ogreen was busy with buying many of them and putting them all around town on the ground. He did not care if people stepped on them although I am quite sure he never wished that anyone might actually slip and fall from walking on one. Nor would he wish another person to trip on one I would think. But that said, he could never stop laying down the antennas that he liked to buy and employ to make sure that no one forgot that he was indeed someone who had walked through the town or other places.
One day, Ogreen was sadly mistaken and laid an antenna on my favorite rose bush. I was not too pleased, but I let him do it. I was glad that he had visited me and if that was what Ogreen needed to do, I was fine with letting him do so. But as the years went on, Ogreen wanted some of his antenna back. I was ok with that too. But I never heard from Ogreen again.
Ogreen went on to own a large oyster farm that he liked to tend with his new fascination for antennas being used to pick oysters out of the sea. That worked fine. We did not see much of Ogreen after that. But it is said that if you want to catch a good radio wave and you are eating oysters, you might just hear Ogreen singing Hallelujah at the top of his lungs.

Poultry King of France

There once was a fellow named Reginald and he was a leader of an army of poultry workers living in France.  They all considered him to be so blessed that they actually gave Reginald a large wooden crown that he wore every day to work, to church and even at home.   I met Reginald when he was very young and he was busy taking care of the little chicklets that his father had in his backyard.  Reginald was a smart fellow, but I admit, Reginald was not that good at playing Chess, Backgammon or even Checkers.  This was too bad because all of the people in his church wanted to play at the least backgammon with Reginald.  Reginald was a skilled fire fly collector, however and to put off the concerns about his chess and checker lapse, he would collect fire flies and release them in church.  This fellow is very well respected in his community and he really loves to buy new incense that he can burn when he lets the fire flies go in church.  I think he is well on his way to owning a new poultry farm and surely that might be a good place to raise boa constrictors that can indeed be allowed to roam the hallways of the high school and his social halls ad lib.  That was all I remember about Reginald and I hope that he does find a way to clear up that chess, backgammon and checker playing impediment that he still likely has.  Thanks!

Lieutenant Commander Ego Trip Charlie

Lieutenant Commander Charlie was a big star and he made much sense as well as he made much money.  He was genuinely polite but he really lacked the finesse to bowl in the championship league on the Army Base.  This was not his liking either, but that bowling group was a good group. They soon all became generals and they showed that there was more to do on an Army Base than tie shoe strings and beat the watermelons into shape.  So if you meet Lieutenant Commander Charlie, nod your approval for his genuine forthright service to mother nation and country.  But don't ask him about his bowling score.  Don't ask him about his golfing either.  He never swung a golf club in all of his days and he only liked to go to the batting cages and hit baseballs with the baseball bat while he wore his baseball uniform that he bought at the Duke University Medical Center when he was a patient suffering from claustrophobia and mental attrition.
Charlie, I remember you well.  Your watermelon treatment was interesting but I admit, I never buy watermelons now because I fear that you might not approve of my eating them for breakfast.  So the watermelons are not on my menu right now, but I suspect that once you are discharged from the military, I will again be able to enjoy a nice ripe watermelon without fear of it being smashed on my robes.   That is all I can say today, but the other melons are so tasty that I hardly miss the water melon.  The bowling was fun too and my golf game is soaring today.  Best Wishes.  Your friend, the watermelon eating bowling and golf player who also wanted to fly airplanes and even liked to hold bags open for you when you did not smash my own watermelon and were looking for a place to dispose of broken watermelon shards from the people who were sick because they actually ate too much watermelon and you really were hired just to show those people that they were really just in need of a good laugh.  Thanks.

Daffy Louise

I know a lady named Louise and she is a trained General Surgeon of the highest magnitude.  Louise could cut on any type of patient and always had good outcomes in every sense.  Louise was marvelous and I liked her instantly.  That said, Louise one day was busy in Strawberry Red Dans Cherry Bowl and she lost a finger nail in the assortment of cherries and pits that was on the bottom of the bowl.  Not a big problem.  But if you see Louise, please tell her that she looks good in Light Blue Pajamas with the footies on the bottom. 
I think Louise was a really fun and creative person, but she sadly was not enamored with the idea of cooking strawberries to make pies or to make preserves.  This was just not her liking.  So sadly, had she been a true connoisseur of the Strawberry Jam, perhaps Strawberry Red Dan might have been busier collecting photographs of surgeon generals to add to his collection of photographs of military generals that he proudly displays in his attic by the bowl of strawberries that is everlasting and that he put there once but never realized what they were and soon forgot that they even existed. 
Daffy was her name too.  It was fun to see her greet visitors with her luxury yacht that she sailed once a week on the harbor in Bermuda.  She was too peaceful and she really loved to dance the ballet as well. 
Daffy Louise, I know you for such a small day in my life, but I remember your early morning rising and I remember your careful touch on the bowel of joy that I once thought might be my friend as well. 
Best Wishes and Good luck with those pajamas too. :)  Thanks!

Strawberry Red Dan

I have a close friend named Dan and he is red as a strawberry.  Dan was smart and very trustworthy and I always liked his laughter.  That said, Dan was really a busy fellow and never had a chance to ever try a strawberry in his whole life.  In fact, he never really understood what a strawberry's color was like and he never realized that strawberries had little seed-like looking markings on their exterior. 
I am sad that Dan is not living in my days now.  He built a fortress for a whale in his kitchen sink and that cost him much of his living years to complete.  So if you see a large Blue Whale swimming in the waters of Arizona or maybe Texas, please send my best to this fellow named Dan.  He was old and wise and he really mastered the art of salad mixing.  That was really cool.  All of the special people that needed salad would have Dan mix them a salad.  It worked well and the whale I am proud to say is happy and healthy.
So, thanks Dan.  I am sorry you never tasted a strawberry, but that is all good and fine.  I have heard that you love red ripe cherries and that is all you even considered a red fruit to desire in life.  So if you do continue your habit of making whale tubs in a kitchen sink, that's all good and fine.  If you are in fact living today that's good too.  I wont be looking for you and these strawberries that I can indeed share with my own lobster that I made a tub for in my Fishtank in my Basement are all very good and I hope that if you ever find out that your skin looked exactly like strawberries, you will consider that cherries are really not the only red fruit in the stockyard.   Thanks Dan.  I will always always always remind myself on occasion of your talents and your stringbean farm.  Best wishes.

Humble Pie Spoon Thrower

There is a man in the land who likes to throw spoons.  But be advised he is humble.  This is a very troublesome combination because only special people get to see our friend named RoseChris throw spoons. 
One day RoseChris tossed a spoon at my mailbox. I asked him to toss a fork with the spoon and that did not sit well with Chris.  Chris was a busy Greek Professor and he loved to make tales of the Peloponnesian War come to life.  This was very entertaining and Chris was very sharp and very organized in all of his avenues of success.  That said, I can never really understand why RoseChris liked to throw spoons. 
I once asked him why he did this funny feat and he looked at me as if I was there to sing the blues to his sister.  This was not so.  But that said, I must say that someday I may get a chance to toss a spoon back his way.  It might be fun and I think I might like to hear the ping if I can hit his steel mailbox with a nice Table Spoon perhaps.  This might be fun and perhaps that is why RoseChris sells spoons now on Friday nights in New York. 
So Chris, if you read this and are out there, give me a call sometime and I'll tell you what throwing forks is all about too. It does not sound the same but they fly very gracefully through the air.
Thanks Chris, you inspire me to this very day. Thanks!

Crocodyle Pot Head

There was once a fellow who liked to be called "Crocodile".  His real name was Elvis or Earl.  I can not recall.  I must say that Earl as it may be was a busy fellow and when he returned home from work, he would like to get his mother's pots from when he was a child and put them on his head.  This was such a popular habit of Crocodile's that Crocodile made many photographs for magazines in which he was shown wearing his mother's pot collection.   This worked in so many ways that when Earl once grew out of the size of his mother's pots, he was soon donated many new pots by a new group of ladies who liked to see Earl wearing pots on his head.
We once met Crocodile in a bar one night and he asked us for a recommendation for a whiskey drink.  I said that perhaps a Whiskey sour might be to his liking.  He tried it and it tasted good to him.  But that said, he dropped one of his pots from his head and he was humiliated publicly.  This caused much consternation between myself and Earl.  In fact, he sort of liked Whiskey with a lime instead and he later told me that the recipe for the Whiskey sour unnerved his skills and happiness.  There was not much I could do to appease Crocodile, but that said, I am sure that he is busy today.  They say that there are new pots and pans on the market and I can not think of anything that Mr. Crocodile Elvis Pot Head might want to do more than display the new models in all of the magazines and even on public television.
So Elvis also known as Earl, if you are out there today, remember that you can indeed drink Gin and Scotch as well as Vodka as well.  I don't think that will knock your pan off your kitchen shelf, but if you want to really look good, take that pot off your head and get to bed by nine.  Thanks!

Juan the Sea Clown of Portugal and Beijing

There once was a man named Juan. You'd never know if he was from Beijing or if he was from Portugal. He liked to sail the friendly seas, though he always donned pirates garb and liked to dance in a turban that he bought in a second hand store in Istanbul. Juan was always on television and he was once on NPR as well. Juan was interesting, but he never made much dialogue that was worth reading, listening to or smiling. Juan worked hard and he earned his place in the sun. But that said, Juan carried a personal vendetta. One day Juan dropped the anchor into a bed of clams and it got stuck there for three years. The boat he was on could not move. Juan was asked never to return and to get a new job if he wanted to keep sailing. This irked Juan because even though he knew that the bed of clams was on the sea bed, he claimed it was ok because Clams had no spirit and that they really were not a threat to the boat and crew. He was clearly wrong and he even knew that before he threw the anchor overboard. So if you meet Juan, don't mention the clams. And don't mention that his tie is paisley and smells like oysters too. Juan is a fine guy, but I don't think that the NPR station is going to go underwater without him. Thanks!

Simple Simon Horn Blower

There once was a man named Simon. Simon was a king at playing Chess. Simon could out play the very best and then he would go on to beat them in Backgammon and Checkers as well. Simon was simple and he had a simple way of life. No one spoke with him very much and he didn't need to speak with many other people very often either. Simon was also big at playing his French horn. He would play the horn morning noon and night. It was the way that Simon wanted things. But one day, Simon blew a tire on his super-sized automobile. It was a bad day and sadly, Simon had no other tire to put on his car. He did not even have a cell phone either so he had to wait at the side of the road for four hours before someone came by that was able to help Simon. This bothered Simon, but he never did get a spare tire for his vehicle. He still never carried a cell phone either. Simon was a simple man and he needed a simple life. So if you meet Simon at the Starbucks or any other place, tell him that you support the measures that will keep a fellow like him simple, but don't tell him that you like the party at the haystack that he never would visit. Hay stacks scare Simple Simon and its better to be simple than troubled. Thanks!

The Tree Forest of the Tree God, Second Book

https://www.createspace.com/3580901

Limey Orange Peeler

I met this one fellow on a train ride to Istanbul once five years gone by.  He is a poker player who loves to live on the run and plays blackjack with one eye covered with a patch.  I met him and I instantly wished I never was his friend.  But thats not due to his habits, this is because Limey Orange Peeler was really a friend of the Babylonians of yesteryear who he time traveled back in time to visit three times a month.  Limey would come back to present day with necklaces adorning his face and a burger that was cooked in a Babylonian fire pit that he asked me to try. It was very tasty but its burned edges were really ill to the touch.  I miss this fellow only in such that his lifestyle made me think of a pirate who sailed the seas of hope but brought oranges to give to the native Indians in North America when he time traveled back to the 1700s.   Limey was not offensive and he actually smelled like a rose petal.  I think thats interesting considering he did nothing to improve his personal hygiene other than dance in a rose bush cluster.  He did have thorn injuries but he reported that the dancing was so beneficial to him that the thorns only made him feel happier as he could now count how many times he had danced in a rose bush cluster.  Why I wish I had never met him and was never his friend is because Limey had a troubling habit of licking his nose with his tongue and then sticking his finger in his ear and picking out some disgusting wax and inserting it into his ear on the other side.  I did not like his control issues.  That was troubling to me.  But Limey was astute and he played Chess as well.  He reported that he beat Bobby Fisher three times before Bobby refused to play with him any more in the days that Bobby was unbeatable.   Bobby was funny but Bobby did not know that Limey would time travel to the future to see how Bobby would play and then just counter his plans and strategy.  It was fool proof.  Limey I am sad to say has moved to the great world beyond.  He fell off the train that day we met and was attacked by a water buffalo that was mysteriously on the Turkish country side for some extremely obscure and unexplainable reason.  I know that there are no water buffalo who are endemic to that region.  That said, I must say that Limey was a buffoon and a friend of only the class rotting teeth society of blasphemy and evil wishes.  He gambled to make his face remembered in the gaming parlors.  He lost more than he won, but he always seemed to have more with which to gamble.  His income was from selling fruit to the men living on Mars in the year 2099.  He would time travel there and bring them oranges and tangerines and they would intern give him many gold bars.  It was a simple and easy way of life for Limey.  The fruit was abundant in the 21st century on Earth.  So good wishes for a life in the next world, Limey.  The Martians in 2100 will miss the oranges but rest assured they will never get scurvy. They have a wedding notice to bring them three trees a year from South Florida that bloom year round on the Martian surface.  In the time you were trading with the Martians, they also had a time chamber that brought them to a time ten years ahead when the trees were in full bloom and they just brought the oranges back in time.    Good bye Limey.  You made no mistake in selling fruit to the green men in space.  They were as green as you smelled of roses.

Bombards-man the Bombadeer

There was once a fantastic sleuth who called himself Bombs Up Today. Bombs Up was a fancy man who could drop a bomb on any house in the frightened Bombing area if Bombs was given an airplane to fly. He liked to fly and he was always found at the Bomber school in the Republic of Tact and Tactless. He was busy in the business and he never let an egg get unattended in life. Bombs was smart and he lived in a luxury suite in his Thorny Forest Enclave. This gave Bombs a good feeling and he loved to pass his love of thorns on to any other person he may have known. One day Bombs was busy capitalizing his own name in a newspaper article when he found a child that had wandered astray into his thorny forest enclave. This distressed Bombs very much and Bombs took her into his home. He wanted to teach her too how to drop bombs and he wanted most assuredly to examine her smile when he dropped a big bomb in the rose garden of his friend's home. So if you meet Bombs Up, just smile and say hello. He probably wont bomb your village but to be honest, he just likes to sit with his parrot on his shoulder and give it happy crackers of smiley face blessings. That is good and he is a fun guy, but be warned. Bomb does like to snicker a bit and if you are not the most important person in his forest, he will indeed ask his parrot to visit you once a year and drop a message on your coat. So thanks, Bombs Up, you are really nifty, but I am going to sit somewhere else in my day. Thanks!

Squeaky Squeak Squonk

There was once a woman named Squeaky. She was sure that she was only a squeaker. One day, she let out a squonk. It was loud and it was remembered by many people. Squeaky was busy because she had many turtles to feed in her garden. The turtles were smart turtles. They would stick their head out all the time irregardless of any dangers that were to be before their day. That said, Squeaky was a no frills girl. She did not light many fires for her house to be warm and she did not buy many hors derves either. She delighted in baking cod fish once a week and it was really good cod fish. One day, Squeaky was busy preparing her weekly cod fish for her family and her turtles too. They were really good turtles because they always showed up to eat her cod fish. The cod fish was so good that Squeaky soon had an international reputation. Most were glad to know her, but occasionally one or two felt that she was quite scary in deed. Squeaky was known throughout the halls of cod fish dining and she was big in the Raisin Soup Kitchen as well. This Raisin Soup Kitchen was a neat place and it was a place she could let her turtles run freely. This was good for Squeaky and she was glad to be busy and well known. One day, an Owl showed up at Squeaky's Soup Kitchen and asked for some cod fish. Squeaky did not know how to deal with owls so she tried to shoo it away and even shoot bb's at it once in a while. It kept coming back and it was really a nice owl. Its feathers were clean and its beak was sharp and round as well. This Owl whose name was Cracker Eater was busy trying to make his own Raisin Soup Kitchen and unfortunately, Squeaky was too impolite to even consider the owls interests. So if you meet Squeaky, tell her that her squeaking is ok but ask her for a bite to eat from her Rye Bread Collection. I think that she can not refuse for if she does, she will be sure to squonk once again. Thanks!

Frankie the Hell Raiser from Burgundyville

There once was a man named Frankie. Frankie was big in the sports card trading business. Frankie was big also at the shipyard where he liked to open boxes and put his keys on the shelf while he fished for his special box cutter in his pocket. One day, his keys disappeared. This caused Frankie some major consternation and Frankie swore that he would stop at nothing to find whoever may have moved or taken his keys. Sadly Frankie had not realized that he had just left his keys in his house. This was noted by many people he knew and he was returned to his home in a very angry mood. When he realized that his keys were at home he was relieved but quickly felt angry that he had become so angered. This caused the shipyard to name him Frankie the Hellraiser. Frankie remembered this incident many times in the future and usually when you met Frankie, it seemed he was ready to raise Hell again and again. So Frankie keeps dealing the sports cards to children who want to trade baseball cards and the like. But I must say that I wonder about Frankie's day some of the time. Thanks Frankie. The cards were really neat. But be careful with that box cutter. You don't want to lose your keys for real, huh? Thanks!

Nickel Thrower Nickel Eater

There is a man named Parchment who likes to throw nickels at his neighbors. When he did not throw them at his neighbors, he would eat them himself. It was his hobby and his luxury. I don't know what happened to Parchment the Nickel Thrower, but I do know that his family was situated on a hill and that they did not socialize very much. That said, I must say that Parchment is a busy buy and that he works very hard. He used to let his pet python walk around the neighborhood and even children had to run away from Parchments Python which was named Novice. So leave it to Parchment. It's a better day indeed. Thanks.

Harry the Garden Slayer

There once was a man named Harry and he loved to trash the gardens of any person who did not write cursive as well as he did. He would get in his pickup truck and drive into their yards and drive all over their petunias, their marigolds, their roses, their ivy, their pachysandra, and their tulips. I met Harry one day and he was yelling to anyone that if they did not write as well as he did that they had no place in the universe. I tried to say hello and Harry just walked about as if I did not exist. I have since sent Harry a sample of my own writing and I hope that he does not drive through my garden. So far, Harry is yet to tell me that he read or received my own writings. That's ok. I hope that Harry is ok. I don't think he really means to run over people's gardens but sadly Harry is just tubby and hates eating peaches. This was ok but I missed getting to know him before he became so tubby. Something tells me that Harry might have been a precocious boy and maybe he even had a few favorite toys as well. So Harry, if you are out there. I am waiting to meet your acquaintance in real time. If you want to read my writings that's great, but be advised, we have no tulips in our garden and I don't think we have any marigolds either. Thanks!

Tyke Toons 2

https://www.createspace.com/3579957



Shanky Shank Shank

There once was a boy named Shanky. Shanky was a big baseball star and he loved to play golf as well.  Sadly, Shanky could not hit the golf ball straight no matter what he tried.  He would rotate the head of the club and he would change his stance.  Nothing worked.  So one day, Shanky came to me to ask how I was so good at hitting golf balls.   I just told him that he had to address the golf ball and smile knowing he could hit it straight. Shanky tried that but still no luck.  I was out of advice for poor Shanky.  But if you meet Shanky today, ask him how he got to be such a basketball star.  That was never his interest in the day we knew one another.  Now that he can play hoops, he has no further reason to think about that golf ball that he always shanked.  So Shanky is richer today, but he never hit another golf ball and never could hit the ball straight.  I felt bad for Shanky, but his father was such a fine friend of the world that the day that Shanky left his house for good, the father was never too disapointed.   Fine friends of the world are always welcome in the golf club rooms of the globe and maybe Shanky will get another chance to work on his drive.  Thanks!

Tree Forest of the Tree God- hits the presses!

https://www.createspace.com/3580238

A tree's eye view of the Jewish and non Jewish world we do live in today



Laughie the Talk Show Host

There was once a lady named Laughie and she ran a powerful talk show in the town of Good Measures. This talk show was always on and Laugie was busy making sure that she had not had the last laugh unless the other people really laughed louder than she did. So that was good. Laughie made it known that her way was the most important way in town and that if you did not laugh with her, you were a mouse that she could step on or kick out of her way. That worked for Laugie for many years, but one day I woke up and Laugie was no more. Laughie was no longer laughing on the radio and we all wondered where she went. So, so long Laughie. I wonder if the last laugh is not on you. Thanks.

Grimey the Soul Searcher from Paris

There once was a man named Grimey. Grimey was a big star in the zoo keeping kingdom.  He loved the antlers and he liked to have his lunch by the cage of the antelopes every day.  I liked Grimey a little bit.  He was a good speaker and he found his troubles relieved as he was able to find a great property to stay at on the weekends when he was not at the zoo.  The zoo was a good zoo and many of the people there liked watching Grimey feed the lions and the squirrels.  The bats, however were another story.  Grimey just did not like the bat cave in the zoo.  It was dark and those bats were really unpredictable.  Grimey had to have someone else hired just to clean the bat cage.  That was ok and no one faulted Grimey.  But one day a bat got out of the cage and attacked the antelopes.  The antelopes got very upset and panicked.  The ran around their cage and then when Grimey was eating lunch, the Antlers of the antelopes found their way into his tuna salad.  Grimey did not know what to do.  He quickly realized it was the bat that had gone wild and he tried to get the bat handler to get the bat out of the Antelope exhibit.  That was fine and all was good.  But no one forgot Grimey's look when the antelope skewered his tuna sandwich. I thought Grimey was interesting and he had the most collected Parisian accent.  But that said, I think Grimey has retired from the zoo business and now has moved to Paris again. The fact was Grimey just liked Paris the most and he did not care really if he ever saw another zoo or even another antler for the rest of his life.  That's the story of Grimey the soul searcher.  And I guess he forgot that he liked souls too, but that was his real job. He was supposed to meet the people who liked to dance in his new location and get to know them.  He didn't meet that many and really he just got interested in those antlers and never left his office.  Thanks Grimey. I'll remember you fondly.  But what about my soul which was really not that happy and you did not show me a light in the zoo when I wanted to visit the bat cave?  I still want to see some bats and now that you are gone, perhaps the next soul searcher might show me the way.  Thanks.

Bookie the Stoolie who Likes Jazz

There was once a man named Bookie.  Bookie was a funny man and he once owned a salt and pepper refinery.  This was a good day for Bookie, he was able to make lots of young people sneeze with his pepper and salivate over his salt.  But things changed.  Bookie left that business and tried to make it through the remaining years of his days.  He bought a match box making factory and tried to make matches as well.  The matches may or may not have burned very well, but he was glad that he did not have a trumpet blaring in his ear every morning and that was good.  So Bookie and I met one day at the Cheese Cake Factory by the mall.  This was a nice time and Bookie wanted to sell some of his match books.  The thing is, I smoke with a lighter and needed no matches.  But Bookie insisted I buy at least 2 boxes so I did.  It was ok.  They were nice matches, but I needed them not.   Bookie was friendly enough but one day I went to ask him about his salt and pepper business.  Bookie did not like that and he yelled at me quite fiercely.  So if you ever meet Bookie, let him know that you just want his matches.  And don't share much of your salt with him either!  Thanks!

Adam: A crayon breaking friend who does not like the color yellow

There once was a friend of mine named Adam.  Adam was a business star and loved to sell things to other people.  Adam was busy and if you did not have a business like Adam, he would stare at you through his window in his car.  He just did not like it that someone else may not have to go to work and do the same things that kept him afloat in life.  So Adam was not a fan of crayons. He often went into the grade schools and would break all of the children's crayons.  That was ok as far as the school principal cared, Adam was paying for all of the crayons anyhow so if Adam wanted to break them, the principal would look the other way.  The principal was a silly man who liked to dance in cream puff cakes and he never spoke to people who really liked crayons.  That is the story.  Adam once met a man who liked crayons and this man told Adam that the color yellow was a good color.  Adam did not really like the color yellow.  It reminded him of his sisters bathroom at his rich parent's house.  So Adam told this man that yellow was bad and that this man who liked crayons was really just a scoffer who did not like to sell things like cars or computers or the like.  So Adam walked away and went back to his sales job selling supplies to the communist nation of Cuba.   Adam really felt big because he bought all of the crayons at the school.  It was a blessing.  So if you meet Adam in public, don't tell him that you like Orange Crayons either.  That's the color of his prison uniform he once wore.  Thanks.

Round Tree the Magazine Editor

There once was a fellow named Round Tree and he liked to edit his magazine. The magazine was big and a lot of really intelligent and busy people read from it every month.  If Round Tree (RT) was busy he would ask for editorials from the community.  Sometimes these editorials did not make RT happy so he would edit them and only post the things that people said with which he agreed.  Sometimes in editing the post, it made the editorial writer look silly.  That was ok with RT, he knew that the editorial writer's would be happy just to see their names in print.  So RT edited all the content that made from of RT's ideals and ideas and only printed the news that was "fit to speak about in public when the public was all like RT".  So RT is still the editor and I realize that my comments are often edited for his pleasure.  I am not sure to be happy or not.  Sometimes he gives me an ounce of intelligence when he posts my comments.  Sometimes they just look silly after he takes out a message that says "beware the bean sprout kingdom" since the bean sprouts were beginning to grow all over the land.  So if RT keeps editing my editorials, that is ok.  I am sure that the Creator of the Universe is aware of the edited content and will show RT that it is not fair to remove trust in his community someday.  Thanks!

Damning the Skipping of Stones in the Stream by a fellow named Skippy

There once was a fellow named Skippy.  He did not like it when the children skipped stones in a nice little stream near his apartment.  So Skippy started a movement called DamnSkipping and he told everyone that if they skipped stones in the stream, that they were mentally maladjusted and that they were not very neat people.  That said, if I could skip a stone and it landed on the other side of the stream, it impressed poor Skippy and he decided that skipping stones was only ok if you could skip them across the stream.  So poor Skippy lives today in his apartment with his binoculars watching to see if any of the children can cross the stream with their skipping stones.  Its not much of a life, I admit, but for Skippy it was the only way to be remembered.  Thanks!

Susan the Penguin Tosser

There once was a woman named Susan.  She said she liked penguins, but when you met her, she would pick up a penguin by the scruff of its neck and toss it at your head since to her, you did not have enough Penguins in your life. Sadly, I was a penguin connoisseur and I caught one of those penguins she tossed at me and I set it down and never did a Penguin ever trust Susan again after Susan was outed among all the penguins and deemed unsatisfactory as a someone who said they loved penguins.  Susan lives in a retirement home now and the penguins and all the birds laugh at her.  It was a shame, but Susan just didn't "get it".  So Susan is in her retirement village and there are no more penguins for her day.  Thanks to my catch she is no longer a Penguin tosser, but she does not get off that easy.  The penguins decided that Susan was a fool and that they wanted to show her what they really thought of her now that they realized she liked to toss penguins at other people's heads.  The penguins all build a statue to Susan and all of the Pigeons like to land on it and use it as a restroom. Sorry SusanPenguin, you are not going to win the war against the people that the penguins really do like.  Thanks!

Bunny the Child Blamer

There was once a clock maker named Bunny and he liked to blame all of the children for the clocks that stopped ticking.   His anger was so much that every time a child came along, Bunny would shake a stick at the child and tell him never to come near his clock making shop.  This was upsetting to the kids, but they all knew that Bunny was not too swift and they just avoided smiling at him. So Bunny lived on and he made his clocks.  But sadly, quite a few did not tick and quite a few fell apart when they were given as gifts to nice people who really needed a good clock.  If you see Bunny today, just tell him that his stick is broken and that you just don't like his brand of clocks unless he makes friends with all of the children. Thanks!

White House Home Maker in a Radio Store

There once was a fellow by the name of Doleed and he was a great home maker. Doleed was invited to the White House one day because they had heard of his talents and wanted the White House to shine as good as all of Doleed's homes. So Doleed took the request.  He improved the staircases and the oval office had a new shine to it.  Doleed was so successful that he wrote fifty books on home making and each was an international best seller. Doleed had a son and he named him a beautiful name that reminded people of the trust that Doleed put into his friendships and his homes.  Doleed was indeed bright and he really had no major flaws either.  He put his hope in the future and went to bed happy every day of his life.

Cyberstalker of the Third Kind

There is a man I know who lives on the internet.  He never goes off line and he is always shopping for things that he will never enjoy since he wont go off line.  One day he bought a large ship to dance on but I admit, I have never seen or heard from this friend who I will call Archpot in a good while.  Archpot was really internet saavy and he liked to watch races on his computer.  He was such a race fan that he always wore a different racing teams hat with each new day.  He was, sadly however, an internet stalker and he visited the personal adds on Craig's list every morning to shop for a new girl friend.  I think that Archpot was intelligent but that his real job, an investment banker, was not his forte as he really never spoke to the investment bankers that he knew when he was in banking school anymore.  Thats ok.  I hear he likes his investment banking but I am not sure if his clientele are really well served.  Good luck, Archpot. It's a big world and that ship of yours that you named the "enterprise" might yet be useful if you just make a phone call and stop using Craig's list. Thanks!

Motorcycle Mike of the Hill Country in Mars and Nevada

There is a fellow I have known and even shared quarters with once in life named Motorcycle Mike.  Mike was a really neat fellow but I admit, he missed out on our daily brunch meals.  Motorcycle Mike liked to ride his big red motorcycle and he one day moved to Nevada to start a bagel making business.  Mike's bagels were funny in that they had a square finish to them and that they really floated on top of the oil in the pan.  I think Mike was intelligent but his motorcycle really needed a tune up.   It made a little bit too much noise and it was really wobbly on the open road. Mike was originally from the Hills in Mars and he liked the Hills where ever he went. That was good, I thought.  Mike really liked to live an enjoyable lifestyle and he was always friendly when we met.
So if you see Mike today, don't eat too many of his bagels but make sure you put some cream cheese and onions on the bagel or else it really wont be a good one.  Thanks!

Manic Lira Dweller

There is a nice friend I have met who is funny all the time and she really likes to smoke big icicle shaped cigars that she found in the ice box near her father's house.  She likes to run around in hospital scrubs and she eats a lot of good pizza and drinks good liquor.  She was never a drunk though.  She was beautiful in her own way and we always have time to say hello.  She does however miss her sandbox in life and she tries to make sure that she can visit your sandbox if you are so permissive to let her come to your playground.  I never would but that's ok.  Manic Lira Dweller was smart and she even liked to have pythons and rattlesnakes in her balcony at her mansion on the planet Jupiter.  She is not a bad lady and I think she even likes cats too.  So if you meet Lira (as she is named after the monetary unit) she is a good woman and I hope she goes far in life. Thanks!

Trauma Talker of the First Light on the Freeway

I know a lady named Elizabeth of the Northwestern Sea Shore and she really was a neat person.  She liked to shoot the moon with an anvil of hope and she danced once a day in the ocean near her home.  She was friendly and she once was a major litigant against the scientific community. But I am proud to say she has completely given up her litigation though she still is missing a few science books in her collection.  Thanks!

Jazzy Linolae Oil and her Campaign to Dance on Dinner Tables in Happy Beach Communities

There is a woman I met who liked to be known as Jazzy Linny and she likes to party in the future in a haze of oil and cream puffs.  She was busy one day when I met her but I do profess she hardly gets out of her home today.  She does however like to dance on dinner tables and everyone knows she is very careful but that she often falls on the floor.  She liked to live in a place called Happy Beach Ville and she goes to the beach and collects big fat sea shells that she puts in her house and listens to the sound of the sea.  If you mean Linny say hello, but be warned, she does not say much to be nice that often.  Thanks!

Tommy the Knick Knack Salesman who lived in a Toaster Oven

There was a man I met named Tommy and he liked to live in a toaster oven.  He liked to dance when they made bagels and english muffins.  But if anyone offered him a slice of pizza to make, he really was not happy.  Tommy had a special suit so that he did not get too hot but he really liked to leave the helmet off so that his head got very hot.  It was funny to see Tommy do his dance.  He also liked to sell knick knacks to people who were at the bowling alley. Tommy was intelligent and almost saavy, but Tommy was beaten at his own game.  He got confused and would put other people's pizza in his own toaster oven and then toast it to their liking.  That was never his plan but we all loved it when Tommy cooked out pizzas.  I like Tommy but I must admit he realy might not be able to get out of that Toaster Oven in Life.  Please say a little prayer for Tommy's health.  He is not very happy and he doesn't like the latkes.  Thanks!

Tie Fighter Pilot who sunk the Death Star with a Cocoon of Love

There was once a Tie Fighter Pilot who really was a minion of the Darth Vader who lived in luxury and wore a pink suit.  This Darth Vader was trying to defeat the pink liberal love that existed in the universe.  Tie Fighter Pilot we will call Markle was a big star and he made sure that all of the Tie Fighters could fly and fly fast. He even helped the X wing Fighters fly as well.  Markle was a super fellow and his ideas were a radical advancement for his time period.  But that said Markle had a little flaw.  He sunk the Death Star by building a cocoon of his love for the Living World that was good.  That was all good and fine and I handed out cigars when I met Markle.  He is missing from action today, but Markle was the best.  He was missing a laser gun on his own tie fighter but he was a really amazing pilot and he flew the universe with a bigger gun called Torah.  This was good and Markle has always been in my hall of remembrance.  I would like to send Markle a good tobacco product such as a pipe or cigar also, but Markle was probably too busy riding his Millennium Falcon to take up any trust in a fun habit.  But that said, Markle is never gone from our lives and he really contributed a great addition to my own X Wing Fighter.  I now have a laser cannon that never stops shooting at the Death Star and that's how the Death Star was taken over by the nicer people of the universe.  Now the Pink Darth Vader is gone and he is still a very evil fellow.  But that said, Pinky Darth was never a bad guy, he just did not read the Torah enough and he was not ready to eat in the Cantina on Tattoine either. Thanks!

Doctor Yes Man the Igloo sculpter

There was once a Doctor who I knew who danced in a very big red suit.  He was big and tall and he loved to sculpt igloos to look like party favors.  He was known throughout the land and he loved to discuss his love for a Pickle kingdom in the land of the Trees.  He was interesting and noone really hated the poor fellow, but his red suit was intense and he really did not like it when people said "no".  He was remembered and I am sad to say it has been years since I have seen his red suit again.  But that said, I am sure that the good doctor is looking for more igloos to sculpt. In this world or the next, right?  Thanks!

Prissy the Thick Angel of Snotland

There once was a girl named Prissy and she loved to dance in the roses and the daisies.  She did not mind that she was cut by the thorns in the rose garden but she just liked to smell good.  She word galoshes that kept her legs from being throned up.  So Prissy was prissy and she liked to smile at other in the world but never smile at their jokes.  I just asked Prissy for a hamburger once and she laughed at me and tossed some ugly filthy slime on my hand.  I was never very unhappy with Prissy but she really was not happy with me.  I asked Prissy for a hot dog too and she did the same thing.  Prissy was just so prissy that she could not be friends with anyone with whom I was a friend.  So if you meet prissy, ask her why she wore the angel costume.  It was a nice costume, but those thorns tore it all to shreds.  The daisies were nice though.  If she dances in the daisies which she only does once in a million afternoons, she might give you a hot dog, a hamburger and maybe even a latke.   Thanks!

Rat Face Pirate Eater

There was once a clown and his name was Rat Face.  Rat Face was intelligent but he really lacked social skills.  One day he showed up at the circus and he painted his face to look like a gerbil with crying eyes and a blue mouth.  I liked Rat Face.  He was an autocrat and he built light sabers in his spare time.  Rat Face really employed a lot of other clowns in his service.  They all had to eat a pirate costume to be employed and they all did so with great enthusiasm.  This made them intelligent and they all scared the pirates who were on the tour from the Las Vegas casino boat show.  This is a good story about a true American Patriot.  He only was named Rat Face because they confused his gerbil face with that of a rat.  It was terrible but he did not care.  He was productive and the light saber prospered.  So if you meet Rat Face Pirate Eater in the streets, just nod and say hello.  He wont bite and maybe the pirates will all run away.  Thanks!

Hop along Peanut Butter

There is a fellow I happen to know personally who is called Hop Along.  Hop was a big star in the mud wrestling business and he ate carrots in his spare time.  Hop Along ate more carrots than any other child that he knew and he also liked to drink Tequila often and always with a worm in the bottle.  He could not share his tequila with any of his religious Jewish friends because they only drank Kosher Tequila and Hop Along refused these brands because he really thought that there had to be a worm to make it good drink.  So Hop and I did not drink together any more.  I became kosher and he went his way.   He did however like to shop for peanut butter and he owned every brand you could think of.  Jiffy and all the like they were in his closet at home.  This peanut butter collection was a busy business for Hop Along and he really liked to sell it too to unhappy young students who just wanted to make peanut butter sandwiches on their low budget.   I like Hop a little bit.   I  really do, but I wish we could share a bottle of Kosher Tequila.  Its good stuff and I bet he would not know whether it did have a worm or not.  Thanks!

Tyke Toons is here!

The first of the fifty of so stories I posted beginning last week on this site is available now for purchase online.  It will soon be available on amazon.com but if you wish, here is the createspace bookstore link.

https://www.createspace.com/3578065



Fish stockings Sam

There once was a man named Sam and he sold fish stockings for a living. Mind you a fish stocking is a stocking for a little girls lets but it has been designed out of fish net-like materials.   Sam was a rising star in the Olympics and he was very unique.  Sam was the first Olympian star that ever had a completely silver collection of eagles that he loved with all of his heart.  This collection was silver and it was unusual.  There were many Olympians who had eagle collections but theirs were almost always white bald eagles.  Sam's was silver but that was really not that big a surprise.  Many silver collections of eagles were known to man, just not a top Olympian's collection.  Sam won many medals and they all looked good on his shirt at the end of the day.  Sam was rich and happy and one day Sam was offered work in the scuba diving gear business.  This seemed to go with his fish stocking sales because ladies and even men looked good if they wore fish stockings under their wet suit.  So Sam had a lot on his plate.
I liked Sam a lot, but I will tell you Sam was interesting but not special in that he really did not look that original when I saw him dance.  He liked to dance to all the usual tunes and he was popular in the like. But his dance was uninteresting.  He danced all day long once and he told the world that it was ok to buy barbecues in the city of Mosul, Iraq.  I listened carefully for at this stage of Sam's career, he was a well regraded owner of an immaculate Silver Eagle Collection.  So Sam was intelligent and I bet he was a great dancer in his earlier days.  But why did he choose to do the hokey pokey when he could really have don't the jig?  That's all I ask.  Sam, I like your energy and enthusiasm, but your dancing was quite stale.  So if I choose to buy a barbecue in Iraq, I pray that you understand that your dance was the thought behind the day's activity.  And if you dance again, I might not be buying electric guitars in Pakistan this time.  Thanks.

Pinky the Cheeseball

There exists in the town in which I live a large acid using man named Pinky.  Pinky was large and affluent, yet he never liked to smile for the cameras.  Pinky liked to eat cheese, especially Limburger.  It was always Pinky's honor to cut the cheese and make it a good day to bring a slice of Limburger to the marketplace where he liked to work as a Swedish Chef.  (Bork Bork Bork Bork Bork).

Rubber Ducky the Ice Boat Fisherman

There once was a fellow who liked to be called Rubber Ducky.  He was interesting and he ran a big eggroll selling business.  He did not like that his brother Fredo had a son who was in the business of stamping on eggrolls if they smelled bad.   This bugged Rubber Ducky because his eggrolls did not smell that good at all and really not many people were buying either.  He told his brother's son who we will call J.P. that he was not a good stomper of eggrolls and that he was really not a bright man when it came to defending the right for the creation of egg rolls to exist.  I pass Rubber Ducky on the freeway once in a while and he enjoys driving his flat bed truck that he has invested heavily into making sure that it has a Cream Sickle collection in the glove compartment.  Rubber Ducky thought that he ruled the road and he even bought many big sticks to put in his hand to shake at other motorists.  He never hit any of the other motorists but he liked that he could do that if he wished.  I saw Rubber Ducky before he opened his eggroll making business.  At that time, he enjoyed carrying many sticks and he even stuck them in the spokes of other cars once in a while.  That was a fun thing for Rubber Ducky but that was not a big deal and fortunately for him, no one asked him to be cursed for his behavior.  So Rubber ducky made eggrolls and sold them arboad.  He was estranged from his brother for a good while but one day Rubber Ducky discovered that his brother was friendly and decided to talk to him again.  I miss Rubber Ducky because I think he is now in a Rubber room.  But that said, Rubber Ducky really did like to talk and he did it quite a bit.  It was a good thing because making eggrolls required that you talk to the dough a bit.  Rubber Ducky was good at it. But Rubber Ducky really had a fun habit. He liked to go to Canada on the weekends and he would sit in a rocking chair and do some ice fishing.  He caught mackerel and blue gill.  He even says he caught a pink tuna fish once.  I didn't believe him but he showed me a photograph and it was true.  So Rubber Ducky died a happy man and all of his challenges were answered with a spoon in his mouth.  Rubber Ducky was never a friend really to the son of his brother, but he did not shoot him with the stick guns either.  So Rubber Ducky was a good man and his family did love him a bit.  But that said, I loved it when his nephew stomped on his biggest eggroll that he ever invented.  And it never smelled good and it was never an eggroll that anyone could eat either.

Future of the Tree Story

More stories of the Tree Forest to come soon!!!!!  I will be designing this into a new book and I hope it is well received.  As if there was any confusion this is about the world we do live in, but we are not Trees and we do not like the bugs much either.  But that said, we all need bugs to get along (money) and if we didn't enjoy the presence of bugs in the forest, who would share with the Trees and the Weeds.  Thanks.

The trees wanted a super tree to rule them once upon a time

After the forest started being populated with trees, the trees told the Tree God that they really wanted a super tree that they could all depend on in times of drought or war between the weeds. The weeds were always fighting wars among themselves. Sometimes the trees might participate. Over all the trees never really did have wars. They couldn't. Trees could not over grow one another and every tree had a nice place to rest its roots and branch shadows.
The trees found a big tree that they trusted to be its first super tree. This was neat and it was call Usaul. usual was smart but he did not gain the entire happiness of the forest. One day the Tree God told Usaul to make a hole fifty feet deep and bury every plant in it that tried to make a canapy over the trees and deprive the trees of sunlight. Esaul did a good job but when it came time to fill in the hole, Esaul walked away from the job. So the canopy making plants and weed escaped and continued to try to hang canopies over the Trees. This caused the Tree God to make a new Super Tree. Along came a super tree that had poetic branches and a cotton flower on each of its branches. This new tree wanted to run away from Esaul but it did not and Esaul and this new tree we will call Edavid Tree were happy together for sometime. Edavid tree had a troublesome run in with some very ugly weeds once. This was Esaul;s fight, but Edavid volunteered to face off against a very fat and ugly weed that wanted to be known as Goltreeeater. Goltreeeater was fat and ugly and though that if he defaced the bark on the Edavid tree he would be the victor. The Goltreeeater tree tried his best but Edavid tree was agile and walked away from Goltreeeater weed. Then Edavid Tree launched a baby acorn right into the weed jungle of Goltreeeaters inner most chamber. This made Goltreeeater to instantly perish and he never was heard from again.
Edavid tree came up with a plan to make a special light to bask the trees in the forest in blue light. It worked but it was not until his son, Esolomon tree came along that this light was finished and constructed. It lasted a good while but sadly the trees were not very careful and they angered the Tree God. The Tree God turned out the blue light and there was no more light on the trees. But that was not the end of this situation. There was later a Grey light that was constructed and it made the trees just as happy but not as beautiful as the first blue light. It worked for a good while. Sadly the trees started to fight among eachother and the Tree God again turned out the light that they enjoyed. For the rest of the years the trees wanted another light. It is rumored that a third light might indeed be sanctioned by the Tree God. It would make the forest envy all of the trees for the rest of the existence of trees but the trees would konw that the Tree God was indeed wanting them to heal and be happy. It has not yet come to the forest. I can not tell you if it will be red or green or yellow. But I will tell you that this Tree God is very smart indeed and maybe it will be all three colors in alternation. That would be good and the trees could again delight in their prosperity.

Tree honor system

The trees were very into honoring one another for a good bug zapping. The bugs were really annoying sometimes but they were always welcome in the forest kingdom of plants and trees. I think that if a tree zapper a bug more than twice in a day, it was given happy bark mitzvah status one day. I think that the bark mitzvah was a good honor becuase the trees slowly realized that the Power tree was full of bark that it would give to the other trees in honor of their bark mitzvah. The pink bowed trees wanted to enjoy this same honorary celebration, but they were not with bug zappers. So the pink bowed trees just smiled for the Power tree and it gave them bark too. I like that the pink bowed trees liked to have a bark mitzvah but for them it was called a bow mitzvah. I miss that the trees did not really understand if the bow mitzvah was really a good thing. It was. It was just a new situation that the trees never really figured out in some cases how to write into their daily tree lives.

Tree Dinner Rituals

The trees needed to dine and all of the plants and trees in the forest enjoyed taking a sip of the waters of the rains that fell in the forest. It was the healthiest way to live. There were no rivers or oceans or lakes that bathed this forest. They did exist though you had to find another map to visit when you wanted to see them. That said, the trees in particular had a special ritual to eat their meals. They would bite into the ground that their roots inhabited, grow a small protuberance of a root and it would play a small song to the honor of the Tree God. If the tree did not do this it would not be really cool in the Tree God's Kingdom. But that said, a little song was sung and the protuberance would nurture on the wet moist forest floor. The blue bowed trees would zap some of the bugs that gradually surrounded every thing on the forest floor and these bugs would decompose and give vital nutrients to the trees and plants. It was a good eco system. The weeds did not usually want to have a bug zapper but it became a trend. They were able to get a bug zapper anytime but it was never as good at zapping bugs as the trees bug zappers. But that said any weed that had a bug zapper and it was only the light blue bowed weeds indeed, that weed would fit in with any of the trees and they could enjoy one another's prosperity.

Magenta Pie

There was always a new tree on a daily basis.  If the tree had a blue bow, the trees would get together and dine on the bugs that fell to the ground in their soil and they would open the blue bowed trees magical closet and take out a bug zapper tool.  This bug zapper tool was really needed and if they did not have it removed from inside their magical closet, they would never be a pear producing tree in any way.

Trees with Pink Bows

The trees with pink bows were very special and grand. The light blue bowed trees owed their very status as trees to the fact that these pink bowed trees existed.  It was good for the forest to have both pink and light blue bowed trees.  It was always a good day when the light blue and one pink bowed tree might smile at eachother and grasp a branch from the Power Tree and light a fire of the branch and enjoy the success of a true friendship.  It was the way that the Tree God wanted the forest to be designed.   I must say here that the Pink Bowed Trees were special in that the new trees to follow all were designed by the bark of the pink bowed trees.  This bark made the new tree, whether pink or light blue bowed into a strong oak like tree in its infancy and then the tree could decide its own choice of tree trunk such as asp or maple or elm.  Some even liked being Oaks their entire days.  That was good.  The forest grew. But if the Pink Bowed tree had a new seed to give, she was able to make sure that the new seed was aware in its formation of the presence of the Power Tree.  This was essential. 
Sometimes the Trees might want to spend their real friendship with a weed that had a blue or pink bow on its lower rooted area.  This was not ideal.  The forest did not like it when the trees and the weeds were special loving friends that liked to kiss in the midnight moonlight.  That was not going to stop the forest from growing but I think that the forest really did not feel it could breath as well in the presence of these double tree and weed arrangements.  Only the newly formed formed trees of a friendship between a pink bowed tree and either a blue bowed tree or weed could be trees.  A blue bowed tree could not help form new trees if he did not spend his lifetime with another Tree. Period.  But that was ok becuase the tree bark shapers who were really only the round leaf varieities had the power to make the genetic information in any weed of such an arrangement become a trees genetic code.  It was not usual but the trees liked to live healthy lives. 

Round leaf delight

In the forest there were some very special trees that were known as Bark Shapers.  These Bark Shaper trees ruled the forest in that they would be able to visit all of the trees and mold their bark into beautiful looking tree trunks.  It was a very special job and really only the ones with round shaped leaves were capable of doing this properly.  As well, only the trees with light blue bows were capable of growing a truly round leaf.  It was special and the best of the best would all have a name plate in front of their house.  They also really needed to have a good swing out front.  If they didnt have a swing at all it was a sad day because they could still shape the bark on the trees but their designs did not last the duration of the trees lifes.   In fact there were some new tree ideas in the forest that came about one day that instead of round leaves, maybe the tree bark molders could have oval shaped leaves.  This seemed very useful and it did have its day.  They made alot of tree bark happy but it never was really a bark that liked to smile at the Power Tree.  In fact some of these with the oval shaped bark never even liked the magazine articles from the Power tree and they only wanted to be seen as hero trees in the forest of the Tree God.   The Tree God was amused a little bit by the oval tree bark shapers, but the Tree God swore that only the round leafed ones would be profitable in the real Tree world.  And so it was. 
Once the Oval Tree bark shapers noticed that the trees with pink bows might be happy with oval leaves too. These pink bowed oval tree bark shapers tried their best but never could shape the tree bark.  It felt good to the trees whose bark they touched with their tree bark touching hands. But in the long run they never were able to mold any of their tree barks.  This did not make anyone tree bronze irregularly (the trees eventually became bronzed and did not continue to drink the water in the forest).  But that said, no tree that ever had a pink bowed tree bark molder ever was happy in the Tree world of the shadows.  It was a good world to be in the forest but every tree needed to consider that after he or she was bronzed he would exist in a shadow world.  It was a blessing to be happy there.  That was the goal of living in the forest as well. To go to the tree world in the shadows for the rest of the existence of Tree knowledge and order.

Lightning storms

In the world that the Tree God Created, there were many beautiful lightning storms. Many weed plant varieties loved the storms. Also too, many of the Trees who did not really decorate their properties took to watching these storms often. These storms were created by the Tree God for all of his creations to enjoy. Sadly however, they were not always understood by all of the Trees. Many of the trees, especially and almost exclusively the trees that did not want to be around the undecorated properties of some of the trees who did not decorate were afraid that if they enjoyed the lightning storms they would look as undecorated as the other trees they knew. Or that they would not be able to hear the magazine article descriptions from the Power tree as often or as they really craved to hear them. So they closed their eyes during the entire lightening storm. The lightening was in many colors. Some times it was blue sometimes it was yellow once in a while it was red, gold, purple, orange, silver, copper, and any other color under the sun that the Tree God Created. Lightning storms were frequent and growing as the years went on and they really were just for the benefit of the retinas of all of the trees and weeds on the forest floor. They lasted a few moments and then they passed. There were shapes of lightning that lit the sky like harpsichords and fiddles and bass guitars. The lightning was always changing and the Tree God loved that the plants and trees loved the lightning. It was the culture of the entire forest floor to a certain extent. It was cool and the trees who liked it just liked to know that it existed. They did not need to see every shape and color either. They if smart could read all of their magazine articles and just smile when the lightning came to the forest arena.

Tree poetry

Trees could write poems and they liked to do this once a day usually in the morning or around noon. The poetry was good and the trees felt healthy after doing a good poem.  The Tree God liked to see them become literate and he liked to share a warm sunbeam with the ones who wrote poetry.  If they did not write poetry that was ok, but poetry really made the forest sing with truth and temperance and tolerance.  So the Tree God made more poetry for the trees to think about and the trees wrote more poetry themselves.  It worked out and it was good.  And the forest endured many generations of difficult years where there were chainsaws or other horrible tools in the forest that might damage trees.  It also made it good that the weeds were not hurt very badly either and the weeds did not know this but they were glad to know that the Tree God was taking care of them (the weeds).

Tree Signs

Many of the Trees that were the variety with a light blue bow on them were given the freedom to put their names in their properties for all to know them as they really are made to exist.  This was the tree sign.  If you really wanted a real tree sign, you did not shave it at all and you did not trim it ever.  You never pulled out a single cobweb of the spiderwebs that decorated its beautiful aura and you never dyed it with any substance save perhaps the substance that you used to make your tree spin in your years gone by.  That substance made your sign look very mystical and it was a rare sight though not essential but very inspiring to some of the trees who liked to use Tree spinners to make themselves happy and thoughtful.  Tree spinners were something you really did not start using until you were much older in your tree years.  But that said there were also Tree Lifters which would pump the tree up an inch or two off the ground once in a while.  They smelled good and they looked great when the Tree bought them to share with other trees too.  It was always good to lift your tree or spin it.   Sadly some trees liked to get a substance that was really a tree worm infuser.  It was ugly and they thought they were as happy as the ones who were spinning their trees.  The tree worm infuser smelled really bad but was easy to come by and its dosage was quickly spent.  Tree worm infusers soon gave a bad name to the tree lifters and the tree spinners.  But back to the tree signs.  If your tree got older, the sign might turn white and gold.  It was always a blessing to have a white and gold tree sign.  Sadly due to the attitudes in the ages, many trees were afraid to get a sign of such quality and loving display.  It was just a terrible shame because they thought that if they had such a sign on their tree, noone would visit them anymore and that it was really not pretty at all.  But fortunately many of the trees, especially and almost exclusively all of the ones who smiled at the Power Tree did in fact let their signs become white and gold in life.  It was nice and noone forgot their names.

Life in the weed garden

Do not get me wrong.  Weeds were essential to the forest ecosystem. They had to exist and a world without weeds would just be silly indeed.  To call them a weed may seem derogatory but they were all shapes and sizes, colors, textures and they all had the Tree Gods blessings if they really wanted to be blessed.  They made the lives of the Trees very smart and the Trees owed much of their prosperity to the presence of weeds.  The weeds could be azalea bush like weeds or they could be towering ferns.  But they always were decorative and the forest prospered.

Growing Branches

Baseball throwing tree was actually unique in a sense that trees in his day liked the Power tree but were really not brave enough to wear all of its magazine articles in their branches.  They reasoned that since Chainsaw and others like him through time looked and smelled like the weeds, that the other weeds might not like a Tree that had magazine articles from the Power tree. This was too bad but the Tree God knew that would be the way it would be.  This fellow baseball throwing tree woke up one day and just wanted to explore what the Tree God created trees to really enjoy. So he read a few but not every single magazine article and enjoyed reading. It was good and once a magazine article was read, it made his branches glow in the dark.  These glow in the dark branches gave his Tree soul good ideas and every day he had something new to think about.  So one day he decided that he would grow to smile at the Power Tree.  He had previously just shaked its firm hand in life. This day he decided to smile and his smile grew more and more and then the Power tree made him happier and happier.  So too was this method of smiling at the Power tree that he thought that it was remarkable that none of the Trees all completely liked to smile.  Just a few and those were thought of as silly or just outlandish Trees.  So the Trees went on and only the baseball throwing tree smiled and Power tree gave baseball throwing Tree a good ring to wear.  It said "Made in Israel" and Baseball Throwing tree wore it well, although no other tree knew he had this ring. It was invisible to anyone except those who really smiled at the Power Tree.  Then one day Baseball throwing tree opened the magazine articles and read further and it said "be brave and live a good life".  So baseball throwing tree enlisted the help of a Butter spreading tree and designed a new property for Baseball Throwing Tree to exist in in the nation of the Better Smiley Faces Forever.  Baseball Throwing Tree loved his nation though he does wonder if The Tree God will let him live in the Rose Garden.  Perhaps, perhaps not.  Perhaps he really needs to stay in his nation forever or then some.  But that said, Baseball Throwing Trees new property was ripe with bugs that smelled like persimmons and when they died, they fertilized Baseball Throwing Tree's soil with much goodness for which Baseball Player tree grew big hearty leafs that looked like shimmering foils of gold and green and silver and rust.   This was good for Baseball Player Tree as he was now a Baseball Player as well as a Baseball Thrower.  He liked to play baseball once a day and it was really the shortstop position that he enjoyed most.  He could throw balls to other trees although only a few were able to catch these really fast pitches.  They were fast becuase if he threw these slow, they would get caught up in their branches and he really wanted them to hit them in the tree trunk.  But that was all he did in his time away from designing his property.  I met Baseball Player/Baseball Thrower Tree and he was in good shape when he visited with me.  He had designed a huge playground with white and blue elephant rides and he had a beautiful swing set with a copper rope and a beautiful wooden seat on his swing. It kept swinging higher and higher with his years to come.  Sadly Baseball Thrower Tree did not enjoy the company of many others who in fact had very similar properties.  Baseball Thrower tree once noted that the Power tree had a top canopy of diamonds and the story books all told that there was an easy way that Baseball Thrower tree could do the same.  He did.  Not too many trees liked to do this though, but they almost all knew they could to it and often did when they went to play golf on Friday Afternoons.  So that was good and Baseball Thrower tree prospered as the Tree God liked his additions to his property.  The best was that Baseball Thrower tree liked the visitations of a number of the interesting weed plants in his day and he modeled his afternoon buttercup places after their ideas of buttercup fields.  That worked fine.  Many of the other Trees that Did smile Greatly at the Power Tree had bigger buttercup places in their properties but the weeds liked them alot but did not play in them as much.