Harvard of Peach Tree Lane

There is a man who went to Harvard. He wrote all the text books of the future and wrote all of the adages of tomorrow. This guy was in of himself a true prophet for the race to come. But that said, poor Harvard had to live on Peach Tree Lane. It was so bad that Harvard cut down all of his cherry trees and built a dog house in his backyard. The dog he bought was a sad breed. It had boils on its arms and it had ferocious knotty hair as well. Too bad that our Friend, Harvard did not really like to take the advice of the professors he once knew at Harvard! Poor man was busy with his own feelings and his own truculent dreams to confer with the truly wise and now he lives somewhere that he just can not get used to. But that said, I believe that the future is bright for Harvard. He skis on Fridays and he eats good foods during the week. He works hard on his dreams and he uses all the cotton in the field to play his baseball games by making bases to run on out of cotton and the other good things in life.
So if you know a fellow like this fellow, Harvard, ... pay him some good respect. He really works hard and though he can not see the light, the light never goes away.

Narcissus the Bike Pilot of Mayberry Street

There is a fellow I have old years be gone known to my day and he is a fellow who likes to ride his bicycle. He rides it up and down a street that has a hill at the top. He likes to write long letters to his long lost sister that he has long since remembered as she has left his playground for the future. I must say that my friend whose name is Eltew is organized but seems to lack a simple name for his pet gold fish. I only write this as he seems to really like his gold fish a lot and even stares at the fish when it swims in circles in the fishbowl. Many may never name a gold fish of course, but this particular goldfish has been with Eltew for his entire life. It would only seem fitting that Eltew might wish to at least call it "guppy". But that said, Eltew rode his bicycle too many times and it broke in two. That was not the biggest trouble that Eltew had of course, but sadly Eltew refuses to get another bicycle and has bronzed the original bicycle.

Tyke Toons 4 is here!

https://www.createspace.com/3602182



Loopy Dreidle Studier

This is a tale about a man of the seed of Abraham who lived a great life but suffice to say, he studied the dreidle.  He liked to play with it and he liked to lift it up and calculate its exact weight.  He would occasionally spin the dreidle and he often lifted it from hand to hand.  My dear friend named Mory was a small smile in the daylight and a warm heart at the height of the evening.  He danced in the front pages of the Doctor's offices once upon a time and he really liked to be shown many milestones in the avenue of the well and worthwhile.  I miss my friend Mory and I believe he is suffering much less as he has gone to a new home in a new town this past orchestrated year.   I must say that Mory works often and works diligently.  He shares his blessings with others and he works in the peacemaking business though he calls it simply "sole searching in backyards of life".  Mory understands munitions and he works steadfast to bring the munitions he owns to offer others a chance of personal contact with all that befell him to build his huge Avenues of Relationships, Worth and Pleasure.  Mory understands the fact that one must turn over a new leaf and one must always busy oneself with good thoughts and wise useful knowledgeable orthodox passions. 

Frisko the Salt Checking Pasta Cook

There is a famous man in the restaurant that I visit once in a while and his name is Frisko.  Frisko works hard and he is especially good at cooking pasta.  Frisko's pasta is so good that noone ever leaves the restaurant hungry or even wanting anything else to eat the rest of the evening.  Frisko was a smart fellow, but alas, I must say, Frisko really went wild checking the salt in the salt shakers each hour he was at work.  It wasn't that the patrons took too much salt.  They really didn't.  His pasta had exactly the amount of salt that they needed.  But that said, the salt shakers sometimes might have been spilled off the tables and sadly, Frisko was unhappy that once a patron said that there was no more salt for his pasta one night. 

Bruce the Waiter

There is a man named Bruce and he is a waiter at the finest of hotels.  Bruce is intelligent and he examines the faces of everyone in the restaurant and decides for them exactly what it is that they really would want for dinner.  It never failed to amaze me that never was there ever a person who did not find Bruce's suggestion to be exactly the dinner that they were truly in the mood to eat that evening.

Cotton Kimmo the Crab Thrower

I have a certain dignified friend of mine whose name is Kim the Baker.  Kim is a he kim and he likes to offer children crackerjacks at the baseball games.   Kim is wise and organized.  I never expected it but I learned that Kim likes to throw Crabs at the ballpark for fun.  Truly one must say that this is inhumane, but actually he only tosses them about 2 feet in front of him.  This is actually quite funny and he got his name Cotton Kimmo as he always wore a big cotton fleece on his shoulders when he threw the Crabs. 
Kim is on time and always available for a talk of baracuda fishing I think.  He likes to go out on his nice large boat and he likes to go sailfish fishing when he is on the seas.   He catches the most colorful sailfish but he never ever throws a single one back.  People pay him for the dinners he may bring home and he gladly offers every sailfish he has ever caught to the truly hungry persons at the seashore.
Best wishes, Kimmo.  I am waiting to hear about your future baseball goodness. 

Manno Mannoa Mannoagua Mannima

I met this fellow whose name is written above. I can not write it twice so I will just call him Morton Mortonhood. Morton is a brilliant star and he loves beethoven. But that said, Morton did not like Chopin as much as I had thought he might. Morton drives a large Old Buick and it gets horrible gas mileage. But that is ok because he has a special deal with that Saudis to get free gasoline in return for Mortons exquisite Barbecue Grill Cooking that he shares with the Saudis during the month of August. Morton works very studiously at his new passion, that is competitive chess matches. Morton was a student of the best of the best at one time and now he really is nearly undefeated internationally at the competitive chess events. If you meet Morton, explain to him that he should try backgammon some time. Its really a fun sport and he may not even have to study the details as much. I am sure that with his careful considerations, he will be a champ of that circuit as well.

Santa Clause the Bug Killer

I have a certain friend and he loves to play Santa Clause at the mall every Christmas. This was a good move for him because lots of children really liked his laughter, his beard and his rolly polly mid section. I enjoy Santa whose name is really Mornoff. I think that Mornoff is a bright and diligent leader of the future, but sadly for Mornoff, it is not the future that we all really wanted. You see, Mornoff likes to race stock cars in his spare time and this idea caught on that he could make the highways of our lives a place for stock cars to parade down the street as well. Truly it seems like a neat idea, but sadly of course Stock Cars can not simply drive on the streets with the rest of the automobiles. So if you meet Mornoff, be glad he is around. He is the smartest Santa at the Malls and he leaves all of the children with lots of excellent toys indeed. But that said, Mornoff is busy today working on his field hockey team's roster and he really can not dance in the mall as long as he used to in the past. That is all good and fine, but Mornoff will likely never finish that field hockey's Team Roster ever. Its just too challenging a league that he involves himself and really who wants to go from hockey to car racing in the same afternoon, right?
So Mornoff, I am waiting for you to visit the circus because I left you a computer at the Circus stand that I once played air hockey for the Clowns team once upon a time. The computer holds a lot of very interesting files on Traditional Warfare and as you are into the sporting arena, I am certain that this might interest you as well.

Yinnie the Egg Plant Planter

I met this nice nice nice woman named Yinnie. She loved to plant Egg plants in the front yards of all of her families' homes. This was a neat task and she took to it quite fondly. Red Egg plants and of course Purple ones. But she even had turquoise ones and even silver ones as well. Yinnie was famous and she worked hard at the trade of baseball fortune telling. Every baseball player in town would visit Yinnie in the beginning of the season to see what their Averages might be for the following year. This was very lucrative and Yinnie danced every afternoon when she went to the bank with the proceeds of her business. But sadly, Yinnie lost a shoe one day and sadly there was never another shoe that fit her just quite right. So if you see Yinnie, please be kind to her. She is a beautiful thoughtful person and she really might indeed find a play that you never thought you could make that you can learn about before you ever step on that baseball diamond of life. Thanks Yinnie. I am going to hit that home run next year for sure now!

Candy Kicker of the Seventh Sun

I met this interesting woman the previous month and I must say that she is quite a formidable and interesting woman indeed. She tip-toes though the tulips with a cigar in her jowls and she really likes to read books by Mark Twain. I was amazed that she was so prolific but it was true, she was an ace in her home town's bowling alley club. She was organized and religious and she really made a lot of people smile when they saw how fast she could throw a bowling ball down the alley of life. This was good and she obviously went far in her days. But that said, I must profess she is from another solar system. The seventh Sun from the Andromeda-Chateau Constellation was her home. She worked diligently and she always smoked a cigar in public, but that said, she was finally able to break free of the original gravity of her home planet and find a new place to live. This was good for her, but sadly I must report that she really never opened a book by Stephen King. It was just too scary for her.

Papa Smurf of the Easter Parade

I have a friend named Challenge and he is a big star. He would always dress up as a pink Papa Smurf at the Easter Parade in Los Angeles. Challenge is a smart fellow and he always knew that being a pink Papa Smurf would never make a single person angry unless for some reason they just did not like pink bearded men who are supposed to be blue. This was so stunning that it left all his friends and all of the villagers in awe every year. So if you meet Challenge who really is named Chris, I assure you that he is a man of the hour and a spirit of the best of times. Be his friend and be his best friend if you are so permitted. He's a fellow that anyone in this nation can be proud to be associated with in my best of thoughts.

Bingo Eater

Admirably, there is a man who exists that eats up all the bingo balls in the bingo machine. This is not a sin folks. He really is a smart guy. You see, people in this planet he lives on are not allowed to have bingo balls in their possession. Bingo Ball Eater named Murphy was always popular becuase he could literally eat any bingo ball that he found. This may sound really awful and nasty, but consider this. In his world, bingo balls are quite nutritious and they come in many varieties of flavors. Murphy was spectacular and could eat a dozen balls in a sitting. But don't ask him to eat the Bingo game board. That was just too much for him. Really.

Cassandra of the Order Zone

I know another colleague of mine from the duties of the past. She is known as Cassandra and she really likes to order ice tea to quench her voracious thirst in life. Cassandra would always walk up to drive through windows and she would simply get a super large iced tea. It was a big sword that she carried as she was known to always be a friend of all of the drive-throughs and that she was ready with the exact change each time she would order a drink. We all loved Cassandra, but sadly, I must report, she was not very happy one day when there was no lemon for her iced tea at a fast food chain she visited. I admire Cassandra very much, but I must profess that she really did not contain herself very well when she learned that there was only lemon juice and no real lemon. Sadly, I have heard that Cassandra has decided to ask for lemons in advance before she visits the drive throughs. But that said, I have faith that Cassandra is still doing well and she really drinks that Iced Tea very very fast. So if you meet Cassandra today, Just smile and say hello. If you have a lime she might really enjoy that I think. But never get between her and her lemons. Thanks.

Tappy the Eel Thrower

There was once a friend of mine, or really just a professional acquaintance to be perfectly honest and she was named Tappy. Tappy was a busy lady and she often dined in the finest of restaurants when it was time to have business meetings abroad. She was intelligent and she was orthodox, but sadly I must say, Tappy had a small problem. She liked to go to the aquariums and visit the Eels. When she went though, she would roll up her sleeves and grab the eel and toss it at the Manta Rays. I do not know why she did this but it did not make a single person unhappy. The aquarium was happy all the time when she visited and the bosses at work knew of her peculiarity and they even liked her more for it. That was good and fine. But sadly, one day she tossed an eel into a sharks path and the shark sort of had a little dinner. It was not the best day at the aquarium but Tappy still was able to show up and visit the eels. So if you meet Tappy, please be advised that she is a special person to me and that every time I think of her, I will always consider that she really liked to make Manta Rays and Eels friends in life. Not that shark incident. Heavens no.

Thaddeus the Straw Chaser

There is a man I have met before whose name is Thaddeus. Thaddeus was a big star in the lottery industry and he always had his photograph taken with all of the lottery winners.  In Thaddeus's spare time, he spent it on his farm chasing straw that he needed to feed to his horses.  This was his pleasure and he always wanted to find more straw to feed all seventy of his horses.  This was truly Thaddeus's right as he felt that having a good number of horses proved that he was truly a man that was to be remembered in the daylight, morning and evenings of life.   I liked Thaddeus when we met, but sadly, I could not enjoy his best wishes to try to play the lottery.  I just did not like my chances.  I thought I would be throwing my money away and perhaps I was happy with my lot in life as it was so given.  That was ok with me.  Thaddeus was a big Broadway actor too and he soon was able to get a good dozen shows a month in which he was the lead role in a hit about cotton growers.   I did enjoy Thaddeus's show and it was a good one to be seen even twice, but that said, Thaddeus's skills on the stage were adequate but really not that superior.  He was interesting and I enjoyed it when he sang in his bass to tenor voice too, but if you like to listen to baritones, Thaddeus was not the guy for you.  That said, Thaddeus was a firm handshake and I predict success for a good time.  He sends telegrams to the sick and he winds his old fashioned car and starts its engine efficiently and it is always a neat ride to see around the corn cob acres of the prairie.   Indeed Thaddeus was dignified and he never slew a chicken on his farm without first checking if the chicken was ready to be slaughtered, but that said, Thaddeus and I should indeed find more merit in going to the bowling alley and bowling and perhaps maybe someday having a beer or cigar together.   I was trying to introduce Thaddeus to my best friends Robert and Mark and John but sadly, he said that he only wanted to be around his friends Thomas, Frank and David.  That was ok with me, but I really think that he might like my other friends as well.  
So if you meet Thaddeus, please watch out, he does not like to watch the cinema on the television set often and he really likes to stand in the day light and count the corn from the harvest.   Indeed Thaddeus is a wise fellow.  If you like to play the Lottery, Thaddeus will even pose for a photo with you if you don't win the Expensive Prize.

Penny Loafer Girl of Popsicleville

There is a girl named Gretchen Mavery who likes to wear Penny Loafers.  She is a fine lady and she really just wants to go home in the evenings to her small house in the Popsicleville section of Town.  This was good as she always had lots of popsicles to enjoy and ehiss is her sound that she makes when she speaks to the children in the front yard of her square house.   This was good as her ehisses were really not hisses and she meant no harm to anyone except those who hated snakes, cats and bats.  But that said, Gretchen Mavery was a busy woman and she always paid her taxes completely every year that she was busy in the market place where she worked as a tempest breaker.  I admire Gretchen Mavery very much and if there is another person by this name, realize that the Gretchen I speak of is really a maniac for the Lyre.  She likes to play her lyre often and it sounds great.  But I dare say that another Gretchen may be confused for the dear Penny Loafer wearer that I describe here in.  Thanks to this neat person, people can ehiss all they want and still never get into any major trouble in any other person's minds.   Thanks.

Popular Kite Charter of the Special Generation of Bone Excavators

There exists a man named Ulysses and he likes to work with Kites.  His generation was all bone excavators and they liked to make sure that no fossil remained unexamined.  This fossil collector himself was a busy fellow as he really liked to charter kites for the children to fly into the stratosphere.  There were children from all around the world who took Ulysses's kites and safely flew them into the stratosphere and were able to always safely land on the ground.  Ulysses made so many kites that children never ever got to ride every one of them in their lifetime unless they really set out to ride on Ulysses's kites.  I rode one for the first time when I was very young and I must say I knew I had to ride many more.  I did for a good many years but funny I forgot that I enjoyed it so much.  When I got older, the kites were really not as exciting anymore but they still flew high in the sky.  But that said, I really hope that ambitious children of the future consider the Kite Rides which will likely last until the end of time.  Funny is that many people who are either afraid of kite rides or else they hate that a child could go so high condemned the Kite Rides of Ulysses. But that said, if you want to read a Stephen King book, especially when you are a young adult, I say give it a try.  They are exciting and you'll always be safe in the long run.  Thanks!

Weed Kicker of the Plastic Fork Generation

There is a man named Bart and he liked to kick the weeds on the gardens that ran through his father's estate's land.  This was a great way to live.  Bart would go out and kick the weeds and the weeds sprang back up once again, but with a memory of a shoe that showed them that they really were just weeds and not illustrious plants at all.  The weeds soon learned of their true nature and the plants all were proud that they were not kicked by Bart's shoes.  Bart grew up to be a Doctor and he treated the sick and the infirm.  One day Bart emptied his pockets on his Doctor's White Coat and he found a prescription for Pina Coladas.  This prescription was written on the most beautiful of prescription pads and he clearly had no idea who had placed it in his coat pocket.   So Bart went to a local bar and filled the prescription and enjoyed a nice large Pina Colada and was happy all the rest of his days as the prescription had unlimited refills. 
Many thanks to Bart, there are children all over the world now who know how to kick a weed and they do it too.  But that said, Bart's medical practice was the ace in the hole as his patients all got better and they all liked to buy Bart's special weed kicking shoes from him.  This was amazing as Bart had no idea that kicking weeds would be so popular.  But that said, Plastic Forks go well with Grapes of Wrath.   Magnificent places ahead for Mr. Steinbeck I would think.  Thanks.

Medussa of the Bone Yard Grill

There exists a woman of the Medussa type with many snakes growing from her scalp and with poisonous venom in their fangs.  She is bright and she likes to be called Landtz.  Landtz is a very exceptional lady indeed as she can go 12 days without sleep at all!  She likes to read Robert Frost Poetry but that said, she is still a Medussa!  She can not be looked at directly or you will turn to stone!  So if you meet Landtz, remember that she really covets attention, friendship and comraderie, but that she just kills people with her ugly looks!  It is that bad, but fortunately for Landtz, there is real therapy available.  She can get a dimmer switch installed in her mind that will dim the effects of gazing directly at her.  She can also get wigs that can cover up the snakes on her hairline.   That would be good and perhaps Landtz will get this help that is so needed.  Then perhaps the young children will play with her once again.  But that said, Landtz does not really realize that indeed it is her snake hair and her looks that betray her and keep her without many happy children in her company.  So if you meet Landtz, look away!  But leave her a note for a good medussa-therapist.  I think that perhaps if she gets enough notes, she may want to look away too! 

Alan the Dragon Coach

There exists a man named Alan, and he loved to speak his piece in the forum of life.  Alan was a star as he always knew he would indeed become.   He had a knack for meeting with dragons and coaching them on how to make the biggest fire breath and also how to use their claws to scratch and claw their foes.   Alan worked hard and he always wanted to own his own dragon egg collection.  So Alan, one day, snuck into one of the dragon nests and took 4 of the eggs from its nest.    The eggs were orange and pink and they looked very simple and with great form.  Alan took these eggs and placed them in an urn in his bathroom and he watched them when he went to the bathroom and spent time on the throne.   That was really not his intent as he really wanted to put the eggs on his mantle.  They would never hatch as they were immediately turned to stone when they were removed from the Dragons nest, as was the fate of any stolen dragon egg.  This may seem like a problem for the dragons but this actually ensured dragon survival.  It meant that no one could ever hatch a dragon egg and have their own dragon obedient to their own wishes.  So when Alan brought the eggs mistakenly into his bathroom, he became transfixed with their stunning luster and he could not seem to remove them from that location in his house.   This was clearly not Alan's plan as he again wanted to put them on his mantle.  But once they got to the bathroom, Alan could no longer move them as they had grown so large that they filled his bathtub.  This was ok Alan considered as he now had a prize to show his guests.  But that said, Alan had to bathe with the eggs in his presence.  This was not too difficult as Alan was prideful in his ways to be a yoga enthusiast and he was able to contort around the eggs. 
So if you meet Alan today, please ask him if he still likes coaching the Dragons.  Does it still fill him with pride or do the eggs supplant that happiness for him.  I must say that it was difficult to tell if Alan's favorite color was orange or pink, but seeing that the eggs were both colors, I'd say that happiness may have found Alan indeed.   Best wishes, Alan.   But please don't sell those eggs.  The dragons may find out you took them and they you will not be able to train any more Dragons!  OY!

Lady Carmella of the Toll Booth Lane

There was once a woman named Carmella and she loved putting tolls in the basket at the pikes of Life.  She so exceeded all that she never had a spare coin in her purse as every coin was securely thrown into the basket at the toll booth that she often drove past in her fun rides on the highway.  Sadly, Lady Carmella never made much money in the businesses she tried to form in her days.  She tried to sell hats and that did not work.  She tried to open envelopes for the rich, but the rich just wanted to open their own envelopes.  Once she wanted to stuff pillow cases with triangular styrofoam pieces and that almost worked for her, except she decided that she did not enjoy the stuffing process and she soon quit to find a new job. 
One day Carmella was busy shopping at the boathouse express and she was searching for lampshades for her husband's boat.  This was a big deal for her for she did not like the exposed light bulbs of her husband's cabin in the front of the boat.   She looked and looked and finally she found a red and blue canopied lamp shade that seemed to be a beautiful lamp shade for a boat interior.  She paid for it with the remaining change in her purse.  Little did she know that she would be passing a toll booth on her way to the ship yard to visit her husband later that day.  This was ok as she realized she could speed through the toll way and pay no toll.  She reasoned that every one was allowed to pass the toll booth at least once without paying, right?  But that was not to be.  Lady Carmella was arrested and brought up on charges of larceny and that did not sit well with her fans at the sword shop that was one of her favorite haunts.   This was terrible and she soon realized that she never fwooshed another sword without someone laughing at her in the front of the store. But that said, Lady Carmella was still quite funny and she lived a long life but without much fwooshing left in her.   Thanks for the fwooshing, Lady Carmella, but dont forget to pay your tolls on the superhighway of life.   Thanks.

Jessica the Sign Post Grabber

There exists a lady named Jessica. She liked to grab ahold of sign posts. All day long, Jessica would drive through town with her husband, Alan and they would pass up signs. Jessica would reach out of the window of the car and grab ahold of the sign post. The Stop signs, The yield Signs and any of the signs on the highway of Life. Jessica liked to grab ahold of their post and then let Alan take her photograph. It got to the point that they had a collection of 10,000 or more sign post photos with Jessica with her blonde hair in the wind clinging to a sign post and smiling for the camera. Of course she always wore her sunglasses. But that said, there was one problem. Jessica was rear ended by a car one day when the sign post she tried to grab was a yield sign. It was a real shame and only the damage to the Car that Alan and Jessica drove was apparent. But that said, perhaps Jessica will find a new habit. We can only hope so.

JayCee the Slime Thrower

There was once a man named JayCee and he was a busy son of the nicest of peoples.  He liked to dance in the breakroom at work and he really liked to toss slime on other people in life.  He did not realize that this was very annoying or even offensive.  But it seemed like a good thing.  He thought that the green ugly slime was funny and if he tossed it on another person, it might be something that everyone else could enjoy as well.  So if you meet JayCee, be a nice person.  His family is nice, but sadly he just does not really find that there is much else to do than dance in a break room of life.  He does not take coffee and he does not even eat the bread and butter.  But that slime has got to stop I think.  I suppose that someone will eventually throw it back at him and then there will be a slime throwing war I suppose.   But that said, I just wipe it off my glasses and go on with my day in life.  So JayCee, I await your sudden transformation someday.  And perhaps you can have a bagel in that break room or you might even try some matzos.  It tastes good and the dancing is all good and fine, but really, is anyone really watching?  They are busy eating.  Thanks.

Tess the Lady who Eats Playdough

There is a woman I have known named Tess.  She really liked to eat Playdough.  It was just a simple thing she did as a child, but it soon progressed to a daily routine as an adult.  She liked the blue the best and often enjoyed the red and yellow Playdoughs as well.  One day Tess woke up and her belly was swollen and this amused her so.  She was always told that as a child, she should not eat the Playdough.  But that was never a concern as she felt energized and ready for anything when she ate that Playdough in the past. 
If you meet Tess on the streets, please do not feed her any clay.  Clay does not entice her at all.  She likes the Playdough only and if its hardened, she will still eat it once in a while.  But that said, Tess had one small flaw.   When her stomach was distended and angry at her, she must have been a silly thing that she took the Playdough from the doctor's children and now the Doctor would not be too keen to visit her in her infirmity. 
That was not the problem that Tess anticipated, but surely, no doctor would refuse to treat a patient. 
So Tess is doing ok now.  She eats only the yellow Playdough now and she likes to follow it with a chaser of lime juice as well.   If Tess does not stop eating the Playdough, she will surely be sick someday, but that is not a big deal as she has super health insurance.   But if Tess ever eats any more Blue Playdough, I don't think that the discoloration of her mouth is ever going to go away. 
So, Tess, please remain at your best and if you can ever stop eating the Playdough, that would really be great.  But I am sure that you are happy and that it seems to work for you and if you don't get sick much, who is to stop you, right?

Sally of Fallow Orchards

There was once a lady named Sally.  She acted in many ways as a trust worthy friend. But that said, her day was spent in the orchards of her father and her brother.  Her brother did not tend to the trees' health and they soon all were with rot and disease.  Sally knew no better and thought that was how orchards were to bear.  They had fruit, but it was not quite that plentiful.  Sally was fun to hang out with and never did I see her complain about a tree in the orchard.  But that said, what was it that Sally and I had to speak about in life?  Never a trouble or a silence among us.   Sally came and went from my thoughts once in a while and I really never had any inclination to really keep touch after the years went on.  If sally was a friend I was not to receive any further mail or phone calls.  If she was not, she really did not step on my grave in life with too much resentment of hatred either.  But that's said, I miss Sally a little bit.  She laughed like a queen and that was always interesting.  She drove around in luxury means and she really spoke with the King's Command of the English Language. 
So Sally, perhaps one day you will realize that you never really left my mind and that once in a while, I revisit your mind in the place that I once found it so many years gone by.
What happened to that laugh of yours though?  Do you still like to dance in the vineyard as I once remembered you to enjoy?  I hope that you have not forgotten that others enjoyed that vineyard too.  But that said, we are still partiers from a generation once gone by in time.   So Sally, where have you been all these years.  I hope that perhaps before you run for Congress, you and I might be in touch perhaps.  But that said, I expect that your future is quite a fun one, whether it be in the Balcony of Success or the Daylight of the Vineyard you once enjoyed as a friend and co-conspirator of my evil days yore be gone.
Best wishes and if you ever buy another luxury ride, please tell me about it!  I would love to hear your success stories of the fame you ascribe with your leadership and trust.  Thanks.

Bugsby the Avenue Shark of Leadership and Life

There is a certain woman in our kingdom and her name is Bugsby.  She is bright and famous and she lives in a house by the lake.  This woman was friendly with me when I could find not many friends.  She was a shark of sorts as she ate all of the crazy ideas that came forward from the battlefield of discontent, troubles, bitterness, strife, impoverishment and injury.  I must say Bugsby is wise and forthright and she has danced in my work in many ways ever since we have been acquainted.  If you ever have the pleasure to meet her in person, be at your best.  She does not tolerate indigence and she does not enjoy deviants.   I must say that Bugsby is orthodox in every measure that a person can be and if you can get a glimpse into her well being and her wisdom, you will be all the wiser and you will live all the more better.
So Bugsby, I remain in your service as it may be and you will always be the top of my star album of role models to exemplify our strong suit in life.  With the most gratitude, I remain, a student of you forever.  Thanks.

Persimmon the Jet Maker

There is a man in the kingdom named Persimmon and he worked in the Jet Making Trade.  All day long, Persimmon made Jet Engines for Airlines and Race Cars.  This was such a busy business that everyone around the kingdom loved reading about Persimmons Endeavors.  Persimmon worked hard and diligently and soon all of the King's Airlines had Engines to fly and his race cars competed beautifully on their racetracks.  Persimmon was honorable and he liked to watch bunnies jump into hoops at the Circus.  I miss Persimmon as he was so engrossed in his work that we rarely spoke with him more than once a year at best.  But rest assured, Persimmon was a smart fellow and he really liked to speak to the runners before their race.  It was always a blessing to have Persimmon hand you a sports drink before your run in life and he handed me a number of them too.  I must say that Persimmon has left the race endorsement business and gone on to new organized ways of life today, but that said, I will never forget Persimmon.  He endorsed my race car and it flies so fast today with his Jet Engines as well.  I can compete fast and furiously and I enjoy that way of life.   Persimmon is amazing.   Thanks!

Jubilee the Jaspy Jumping Jack of Luck Makers Fortune

I have a friend named Jubilee who likes to paint scenic scenes of April, May and June.  He paints photos of seagulls at the ocean and he writes books about garments and the great success of many conquerors of the yesteryear.  Jubilee who likes to be called Jubiles is a smart fellow for he has listened to all of the classic music ever composed.  He fills his mind with melodies of the greatest composers and he writes the best works that anyone possibly could if they were not from the Spanish Inquisition Memories from History Class.  Sadly, Jubilee never thought of the Spanish Inquisition other than to know that it really did happen somewhere far off from where he was birthed in life.    Jubiles works hard for a living and remembers his friends in his mind.  He never refuses to send a Christmas card and he hardly lets anyone push him around in the Rose Garden either.  But that is all good and fine.  He was a good friend of mine and I do like that he leads his life with the Russian Gulags far behind him in his head.   I did not hate that he wrote a book about my own infancy as I never knew what I was really like as an infant.  That is ok by me.  But I do hope that Jubiles reads my memoirs as I have credited him with a big snow ball fight that we all knew was possibly coming but Jubiles got to throw the first snowball.  It hit my friend square in the face and sadly, I am not sure what happened to the one that was hit by that snowball today. 
So Jubiles, find the day your friend.  I hope that your day is a nice avenue of happiness in the house and at the office.  You make me smile in memory but I do profess that I no longer enjoy the snowball fight quite as much as you have made the biggest hit in my days on another that I once trained with. 
Best Wishes.
Yours Truly,
A friend with no name.

Rummy of the Disco Fever Avenue

There once was a man named Rummy and he liked to play cards.  Hearts was his favorite, but he would certainly play Bridge or even Eucker.  This was a blessing and if you wanted to play cards, Rummy was there for you.
That said, Rummy was funny in that he never woke up in the morning with a swollen tongue.  He always was quick to make sure that if he snored, that he would turn on his side and then wait until he almost snored again and then wake up and turn again.  Thus is tongue and throat never swelled in the morning. 
This was a good plan, but if you ask me, its good to just let sleep take you where you are to go in the dreamworld of life.  That is a good thing. 
So if you meet Rummy, ask him to tell you the tale of the Roadway Racers and their Roadway Listening Skills.  Rummy is a bright fellow and I think he silently knows that it is ok to snore a little bit in the sleep of life.   I don't worry much about Rummy.  He walks upright and smiles at the smartest people that he has known.  This is a good trait.  Rummy wears an umbrella when it rains outside and he often asks his way around town when he is lost.  Rummy writes sonnets in the morning of the springtime of life and he works hard in his post as a guards man at the Turtle Center Supply Shop.   Rummy is bright and he really deserves a good acclaim.  So, Rummy here it is.  You get to walk in the Rose Garden someday on my watch of course.  I do bet that you are a wise fellow and I think that you need more Turtles for your Backyard Pond in the Day of Leisure that you certainly deserve more than many I know.  Thanks.

Mud Flap Smiley Guy of the Unknown Order of Life

There is a man in this Universe and he likes to smile at the mud flaps on trucks and some other vehicles on the Freeway of Happiness.  This fellow who we shall refer to as Ahmena is a friend of no one in the Kingdom and he likes to eat raw vegetables with a harpoon gun to skewer them and put them in his oral cavity.  This fellow Ahmena is unorthodox yet he still gets in the Door to the Business Section of Paradise because despite that he likes to smile at the mud flaps, he has yet to destroy the trucks and vehicles that carry them, as we know today.  True he has shot his harpoon gun at a few of the vehicles and he likes to paint the vehicles in a crimson a orange decor.  But that said, he is still allowed to enter this Door as we have not yet decided that Ahmena is indeed a dead man in the eyes of the King.  The King does not enjoy this Ahmena's company and he does not wish for him to perish immediately, but that said, this Ahmena is likely to transpire to a bad illness unless he rewrites his own Enjoyment Section in the Newspaper of Life.  It remains to be seen if Ahmena is really going to want to please our King or if he just wants to expose himself to tragedy in his own life and years.   We will not know until the King says it is time to know more.  Stay tuned.

Talkative Chaser of Ponies in the Daylight we Enjoy

There exists a man in the kingdom who is intelligent and friendly and I must say that he is a wise fellow in many many ways. I like him quite a bit and I will call him Clayton of the Dime Store Success Zone.  I like Clayton as he likes to chat often about anything of any importance in the Universe.  He lives in a stout house and he wears chain mail armour after hours.   I enjoyed speaking with Clayton once in a while and I even offered him a bit of wisdom too.  Never put on your Chain Mail armour when you are wearing your Plate Mail armour. Clayton laughed and told me that I would be happy to see him wearing either.  So if you meet Clayton in a Bar or in the public park, tell him that he is a fellow that you can speak freely with at most length and that he is truly a renaissance fellow of the year.  Thanks.

Adam's Apple of Love and Bookmarks of Tin

I have a friend who has a very large Adam's Apple.  His or her name is Shel and he or she does not like to read any books by Shel Silverstein.  Shel is a busy fellow/lady and he or she likes to dance in the troubled section of mankind's memories.   I liked Shel a bit but sadly, I sent Shel a letter and he or she did not wish to reply.  That was ok by me since Shel and I really had little in common in life.  But that said, Shel once was friendly to me and I was astonished that Shel just never commented on my funny quippy commentary in the newspaper columns in the Daily Tribune.
So if you meet Shel, tell him or her that you enjoy his or her lifestyle a bit, but that you really never got why she he or whatever she or he is is still bugging the world with his or her own bookmarks of tin that he or she liked to stick in people's books in life.  That was good when we were children, but sadly, I can not understand why Shel still likes to make such a mockery of the Daily Tribune.  It has carried stories about him or her a number of times and always said nice things.
So Shel, I await your reply to my comments in the Newspapers of Life.  But that said, please cover up that Adam's apple.  It is just too exposed to humanity.  Thanks.

July Maven of Hate

There exists in the kingdom a woman of the prettiest affections.  She dances in the quarries and she lights the torch of freedom with her quick wit. But that said, she has dispossessed all talents the day that every child got to visit her seat in the balcony that possessed a charm the proportions of a magic candle that burns with a flame of hatred.  I liked this maven who we will call July, but sadly July did not like me.  She showed me her magic candle and she asked me to sit down in her chair.  I was appalled, but I did it anyhow.  This day I must profess that I have blown out her magic candle but it still burns in her mind and being. 

Pocky the Evil Matchbox Eater

There exists in the kingdom a man named Pocky and he enjoys eating men and women's matchboxes that they may offer to him to light his cigars.  Pocky is a busy man as he practices backgammon morning, noon and night. But sadly one day, the backgammon player association was informed that he liked to cheat and take too many moves when he rolled doubles.  So if Pocky is out there somewhere, be advised that noone will play backgammon with you any longer.  Sorry man, its just not your day.

Mindy the Clown Blower

There is a lady named Mindy and she likes to blow on clowns.  Every time she goes to the circus, she goes right up to the clowns and blows on their clown suit.  Sometimes she likes to blow on their faces and once in a while, she blows so hard that their rubber nose might fall off and they have to scramble to find it once again.  That was Mindy's trick.  She liked to dance into the living room of life and put on a clown suit herself.  In fact if she put on her own clown suit, everyone tried to blow on her clown nose.  I didn't think that Mindy was really that involved in the daily clowning around, but she really liked to dance in the blue and silver clown suit that her mother and father once bought for her.  This is a good way for Mindy to exist and if you want to visit with Mindy, please be warned that she likes it if you wear a pink bow tie with a red and orange clown suit on.   This is her pleasure and you will always get a seat in her family room or even the kitchen too!  Thanks, Mindy, I always like to wear my clown suit but I will tell you my little secret, my bow tie is really a rose color and not really that pink, but since you never noticed, I think we are all ok!  Thanks.

Sir Walter the Pac Man Player from Jersey Shore

There is a man named Sir Walter.  He is not the Sir Walter who owns this blog title, however (blog name is Sir Walter's Backgammon Table).  They are completely different people.  This Sir Walter is a man from Jersey Shore and he likes to play Pac Man.  Sir Walter is a busy man and he likes to dance with the flowers in the rose gardens of life.  He is funny and he is organized, but sadly he does not really enjoy the game of bowling either.  Sir Walter does not like bowling because he always scores 299 and he could never in all his days score 300.  So close, yet so far from true success it might seem.  So he gave up the game.   But that is ok.  He hates golf as he does not like to search for his balls in the rough and he hates playing pin ball as well.  Pin Ball is too simplistic he says.  So he plays Pac Man morning, noon and night.  He likes to light up a cigarette during the pac man intermission comics that he gets to every ten minutes or so.   He never plays Ms. Pac Man and he adores baby Pac Man but is yet to play the game.
So if you meet this other Sir Walter, please be cautioned that he is not getting any younger and that he is not getting any surer.   I think that he really likes to play Pac Man because he likes to see little round dots disappear from the screen.  He never eats up the ghosts though when he gets the super power up pill.  That was against his ways as he really liked to just run and hide from the ghosts and he never thought that they could be eaten when they turned blue.  But that's ok.  Sir Walter will soon be changing his name to Hopey Changey and he really does not like to be called Walter either.  Sorry, Hopey Changey, there is no hope or change anticipated in your great life more than waking up and turning on the television I suspect.  But I will await your next dart game if you do so with to play darts again.  I heard you could score a perfect 500 and that is quite impressive.  But that said, I wish you might take up badminton as a fellow like you might really enjoy the little racquets in life.  Thanks.

Rocky the Punch Bag Doctor

I have an acquaintance named Rocky.  He is a big star and he likes to study boxing and other pugilistic sports.  Rocky has taken it upon himself to diagnose and even treat maladies that afflict the punching bags at the local gym.  He will inspect them and decide if they need to be sewn up or if more substance needs to be added to their padding.  He has replaced a few and he likes to make sure that the boxers are well endowed with a boxing device that they can use to hone their skills.  Rocky is a smart man, but sadly, he has a fatal error.  Rocky can not lift the punching bags by himself and has to depend on the assistance of his sister to help him lift these punching bags.  She obliges and that is fine.  But poor Rocky might not always have his sister Tiny with him very much and if she goes away, what will Rocky do? 
If you see Rocky at the Gym, remember that he is a styling guy and that he really likes eggs in the morning.  Eggs make him very happy but sadly, he does not like to crack them and sometimes eats them shell and all.  Rocky is intelligent but he does not enjoy the game of bowling.  Bowling makes him agitated as he really can not know if the ball was too heavy or too light for him and he spends the entire day sampling many balls but never deciding what weight is best for him.   So bowling is out.  But let him play you in golf.  He hits a mean drive and he likes to put it in on 2 at the most.   To see Rocky in the Movie Theatre, you might want to sit in the front row.  He likes to crane his head back and watch the movie up close. 

Jimmy the Lunch Eater from Neptune

There is a man named Jimmy and he loved to eat lunch.  He was originally from New York, but he changed his address to Neptune City, Neptune the Planet.   Jimmy was a big star and he loved to play with clocks that needed to be wound up and shaken too.  Jimmy was busy all of his days, but sadly, Jimmy really did not enjoy having dinner or even eating breakfast.  Only Lunch was how Jimmy lived his life.  Jimmy liked to hold pennies in his hands and he liked to show off his coin collection to many of his friends.   It was a good way for Jimmy to live and sometimes, people even offered him a free lunch.  So if you meet Jimmy, just ask him what he wants on his sandwich or what he might like to drink with his meal.  Your conversation sadly might not get much further than his table habits, but once in a while, beware, Jimmy might send a scout to take your photograph so that he can put it on his wall so that he can see your face while he is eating lunch.  Jimmy has a large wall of photographs and he likes to be able to stare at other peoples faces when he eats his daily meal.  So Jimmy, if you are out there, I do not really need my photo taken.  Perhaps you can give me a call and we can discuss breakfast or even brunch.  But I have an appointment for lunch already and I have dinner plans as well.  Thanks.

Onyx the Gem Collector

There is a woman named Onyx and she liked to collect gems.  Many rubies as well as emeralds.  This was a good way for Onyx to live.  She sold apples in the afternoon day light to brothers and sisters around the special gold mine that she once owned but sadly sold for more peridot gems.   I thought that Onyx was a fun woman, but sadly as she sold her mine, she no longer had gold to place her gems in settings.  She sold gems alone without any jewelry fastenings to contain them.  This was ok but sadly, noone ever remembered her name or her treasures.  I didn't miss Onyx when she left the block one day.  I just never thought of her much in my years.  If she lives a great life, that is wonderful.  But really, what do you do if you sell your Gold mine for Peridot?  Peridot is a nice jewel, but its really not as valued as a ruby or an emerald.  It is nice on necklaces, but you really dont enjoy it unless its fixed in a golden ornamental fixture.  So Onyx, dear Onyx, find your way and buy that gold mine back I hope.  Be a good jewel seller but don't sweat the future.  Its the day you need to be thinking of, of course!

Diamond Mane of Hate

Dear Old man whom I have seen a few dozen times. Why do you never say hello in the mornings. I suspect your answers are in the clear but if you really want to say hello, who would I be to say anything other than greetings sir?

Dice Man the Vinegar Expert

There is a man I know who is a Dice Player.  He likes to roll the dice in life and just let the dice show him what today will bring.  That is good and fine if he so wants to live that way.  But his preferred interest it seems is to sniff vinegars and decide if they were a good vinegar or not so good a vinegar.  One day our friend whose name is Andrew Yates told me that I was a busy person but that he did not think I could ever keep my hands busy enough.  Perhaps Dice Player Andy was right in this assessment, but the truth is that if he ever asks me for a new set of dice for his dice game, I cannot oblige and offer them to him.  I have only to say that my own dice are enshrined in a acrylic mold and I just cannot let him play with them sadly.  So if this fellow ever loses his dice, I sadly cannot help him out.  But that

ok, he can keep rolling his own dice and you never know when this will be to his amusement or to his detriment.

So best of wishes my friend, I deserve a good friend like you of course, but I just can not offer you any dice in life.  Many best wishes.  Indeed.

Milo with the Luxury Apple

I have a colleague who is named Milo and he is very special indeed. He has an apple orchard behind his scuba diving hut that grows Apples that are Luxurious to eat and even hold in your hand. Milo dances often and he wears a turban that is silver with a bald eagle on its face. It is always a good day when I visit Milo although Milo does not always seem to want to talk about Football sadly. He was an Oakland Raiders fan and when they were in Los Angeles, he invested in a million dollars worth of Los Angeles Raiders Gear. Sadly he does not wish to purchase any of the Oakland Raiders Gear now as he feels he can not allot any more money to this sports gear and paraphenalia. Little does Milo know that his Los Angeles Raiders Gear is worth twice as much on the auction circuit, but sadly Milo has yet to discover eBay and he does not enjoy live auctions. I buy an apple every time I visit Milo and it tastes excellent. Milo's orchard is priceless and man from around the kingdom visit Milo evey day just to buy apples. Milo was once a scuba diver but sadly, he has lost his Diving Gear. Thats ok becuase now he likes to race Stock Cars and also he likes to go to Horse Racing Events. Milo makes many people happy and I must say that Milo and I share many days of conversation and recipes for different Apple Pies. If Milo stays in the Scuba Diving Business that is a good thing, but I do hope that he chooses to reinvest in those Oakland Raiders. It would be a shame not to be able to talk about my favorite players and their conquests on the Grid Iron and if I can not discuss Football much with Milo, I may choose to find more apples somewhere else. I just need to express my decisions on what I think about the National Football League and being in a situation where I must hold my lips sealed does not make me feel I am living the real life of Luxury that I so indeed desire. But be concerned not at all, I will most certainly always be a friend of Milo unless he someday refuses to talk about Baseball or Soccer. That's fine with me. Luxury is a necessary evil in this world.

Mobey the Grass Master of Parisian Descent

I have a new friend and he likes being called Mobey.  Mobey runs a Grass Cutting business and he likes to work rain and sun and even will cut a lawn if there is a sprinkle of the white snow too.  This is a good thing because we never know if we forgot to cut our yards in the months of November or December.  But that said I really think that Mobey is interesting in many ways.  He likes to play cards in the morning and he likes to spend days in the lamp shade district of life.  This means that he really enjoys chatting with complete strangers but that he never tips his hat to the unfastened prisoners of the boardroom of life.   I thought he could do a better job cutting grass though.  Last time he cut our yard he missed many spots which fortunately he cut the following week free of charge.  But indeed he is a sophisticated fellow as he speaks French as well as Italian and he even can speak with a Scottish Dialect.

Wimpy Molecule Snatcher Mark

I met a friend once and his name was Mark.  Mark really liked science classes and he was so smart that he could grab ahold of a single molecule and send it sailing through the air and into other molecules and make chain reactions happen just with his own two hands.  Mark really impressed the planet a lot and every child who did not really understand chemistry would stand up and give Mark a standing ovation as he really looked good wearing his orange and blue jumper suit and he really stood high and tall in the face of simple chemical reactions that really did not need to be carried out as they were too simple to be believed at all.  I think that Mark was intelligent but sadly, I must profess that Mark only liked to light his Bunsen burner once a day and only when the teacher was not in the chemistry lab.  That was how he operated.  And if a teacher was to return, Mark could sense this and would turn off his Bunsen burner.  This was quite a game as the teachers did not like Mark since he did not seem to get chemistry being that they never saw him with a lit Bunsen burner.  But that's ok, Mark has gone on to be a stand up comedian and we really think he tells great jokes today.  So if you do meet Mark someday, remember this, he really likes to play with the molecule Helium.  It makes him laugh and if he laughs, we are the more happy, right?

Bob Treason

There is a man we all know and his name is Bob.  His last name surprisingly is Treason.  Bob is a bright man and a wise student of all of the philosophical sciences.  He lights his cigar in the heat of the night and he likes to dance in showers on the moon.  Bob is orthodox in all of his manners, but sadly he only visits the moon once every thirteen days in the month of May.  This was ok with me, but I really thought that the world would be a better place if no one really wanted to see Bob dance in the Crater Colony on the moon's surface.  This is still not a real big deal.  When Bob goes to the moon in May, I never look in my telescope.  That said, there are many children all over the world who really like to look through their telescopes and see Bob go through his routine on the Lunar surface.  That's good and fine.  But poor Bob was really just a myth.  No man would ever exist with the last name Treason.  Its against the laws of common sense.  Bob really is just a myth and when the children go to look at him dance on the Moon in his shower, they really see a big Lunar dweller that likes to shower in the buff with a cigar in his lips.  This lunar dweller knows the story about Bob Treason and he goes out and make a real show of it on the proscribed May days.  This is quite funny to me and I know all about this certain Lunar Dweller.  His real name is actually Yule Tide Muscle Boy and he really is a good thoughtful friend of the time clock changers on Mars.   I think that Yule Tide Muscle Boy is serious about his job and actually he lives for every year of the calendar cycle- never to be replaced by anyone else and never to perish or cease to exist in his present form.  That is unless the children just stop looking for him on the Lunar Surface.  Why is he named Muscle Boy?  That's a good question.  He really is not a big buff man at all.  He is a mystical magical figure with a bow tie that looks like a stereo player and he really bows to the wind when it blows his way.  He is magical and mystical and he makes the funny wise people on the planet Earth clamor with laughter as he really did not exist at all either.  He's just a figment of the children's imagination and when they looked for him through their telescopes, not a single child has reported seeing him in true form.  I thought I saw Santa Clause once, but it was really just a guy at the Mall wearing a Red Santa Suit. But that said, Bob Treason is a smart man who likes to live on the cuff of merriment and he walks with a cane and drives a BMW sedan.   That is nice and Bob is really Santa, but that's ok, I'm not making fun of Santa Clause.  I'm just saying that he really does not exist.  And neither does a man named Bob Treason, I hope.  Because if I had that name, I'd change it to Pac Man before I showed my signature in public.  And that does not mean that Christmas is treasonous either.  I don't want to lose my Christian friends who are reading this analogy here.  But that said, why would a nice Jewish kid want to be waiting for Santa Clause, because if he really did, it would indicate that he was of the Christian faith and in that case, it really would be treason, would it not?  Just a thought on this topic, but rest assured, I might even like to play Santa at the Mall someday.  Or would I?  It is yet to be seen.  
Thanks for not destroying this book at my analogy of Christmas to treason for a Jew and only a Jew.  But that said, if you really are Jewish, feel free to have your photo taken with Santa Clause at the mall.  You might laugh that you did such a thing one day.  I think there is a photo of your author somewhere with a Santa Clause and I am sure I was not treasonous that day.  But I do hope that our nature of celebrating the Christmas Holiday continues among the non jewish persons on this planet if they are so inclined to do so.  I really like visiting Christmas lights and I'll tell you a little secret, this Jewish Author likes to listen to Christmas music as well.

Martin the Banana Peeler

There exists in the kingdom a fellow named Martin and he liked to peel bananas. He really did not impress me much when we first were introduced because in that day, he used to slip on the banana peels that he peeled from the bananas with which he spend his years. This was all good and fine, but I never expected Martin to realize that he could discard the banana peels and then go about life peeling bananas for many people he met. That was good and Martin lived the rest of his days with dignity and pride. I may say that Martin was a silly man and perhaps that is certainly the case at a level of particular delight. But if you ever meet Martin in person, be advised he likes to take bats from people's belfries and he will never let that bat back in their belfry. This works for me. So Martin, keep up the business and never forget that you are indeed working in a mysterious but interesting way indeed. Thanks.

Goober the Pigeon Petter

There exists a man who likes to be called Goober. He loved visiting parks and recreation areas and in his spare moments, he would try to pet the pigeons that visited the day. That was a good thing and he never got sick from anything like salmonella or other malady associated with touching a pigeon. Goober sold books for a living, but sadly no one bought any of them save for 2 copies of his books in the days that he was young. So that was ok but he really liked his spare key set that he used to have in his bathroom and he used to pick ear wax out of his ears. I like goober quite a bit and even admit that I might have used a key to remove ear wax once in a while. But that said, Goober was busy with his chocolate factory workings and he never called me but once in the days since we both bought new cars to drive through the streets. Goober's chocolate factory was big and tall and he sold chocolate to all the boys and girls in the entire nation that he enjoyed. It was a good thing, but sadly, sometimes the chocolate was quite sour. In fact the chocolate was really more like milk wheat and it really did not taste that great most of the time, except when you lit it on fire and had it with a glass of wine. So if you do see Goober riding his bicycle in the hallways of your favorite high school someday, please tell him that his new car really looks great, but that it is missing a wheel or maybe a tire or maybe the steering wheel as well. Thanks.

Violet the Cabbage Patch Friend

There is a woman named Violet and she loves to bring her friends over her house and visit them in the cabbage patch behind her house. Every day she likes to go out in the cabbage patch and make sure that there is a scarecrow that is happy and well adjusted. She named her scarecrow Ralph and she really likes his grin. Ralph is a big star and his straw hat is the largest of all the straw hats ever created. Ralph writes books on poetry even though he is inanimate in the cabbage patch. That is quite fine as the world bought all of his poetry and they even shared a cigar with him. It did not burn him down however because Violet always did make sure that there was anti-inflammatory spray on Ralph's scarecrow body. So the crows always stayed away and Violet could always have her friends over in her cabbage patch field. This was good. She had both purple and green cabbages. Sometimes there were even blue cabbages and even pink ones. The pink Cabbages tasted like cherry cola and they always were a prize for the children of the neighborhood to enjoy and take home to their own homes.
Violet stayed in the business of selling Rabbits that she found in her cabbage patch. Sadly, however, only the star struck persons would buy her Rabbits. These Rabbits were smart and courteous but they had a serious flaw... The rabbits did not like to smell flowers in the garden. They just ate the grass and hunted for other rabbit food in the vicinity of the homes that they might be purchased by. So if you meet Violet, please advise her that she is indeed a lady of keen skill and trust and that we always would enjoy a cabbage patch conversation. But that said, when will she invite us in for Tea? Thanks.

Frannie the Basement Dweller

There once was a woman named Frannie and she loved to visit people's basements. This was her passion and she soon set up a business of checking the water seals in the basements of neighbors and friends. When she was home, she lived in the basement of her father's house. She liked the cool damp air and she even enjoyed the occasional spider that might grace her with its presence. So if you do meet our friend, Frannie, be advised that she does not like the warm weather and that she is quite happy in her dark and damp places. But that's ok. Frannie can do her best to help our basements keep their shape and if you ever meet her, she is quite a neat lady. She buys turtles on ebay and sells them to the republicans in exchange for a triumphant elephant that she can use to keep her business booming. Thanks.

Marley the Bag Pipe Breaker

There is a man in the Kingdom named Marley.  Marley liked to break bagpipes when his fellow man was busy playing them in public.  One day Marley broke a nice set of bagpipes and the player just shrugged it off.  It was always that way.  No one really gets mad when you break their bagpipes.  But one day Marley tried to break a flute in two.  It snapped quickly and the flutist was not very happy.  That said, the flute player really did not care as new flutes only cost a few shekels.  So that was that.  Marley kept breaking the bagpipes and no one really noticed.  But I have to say that if Marley destroys a grand piano some day, I will be very disappointed.  Thanks Marley.  I always preferred the Trumpet to the Bag Pipes anyhow.  But your day will come I predict and if it does, I just don't want to be around when the pianist shoots you with his slingshot carrying a golden ball right between your nose and your upper lip.  It might not be to your liking.  Thanks.

Molly Ringwald the Happy Torturer of Cats and Mice

There is a Molly Ringwald in this world who is not the same person as the actress Molly.  I have met her in college and she smiles brightly when the cameras pass her by.  I thought she was my soul mate for a moment but then I realized I was just interested in girls with red hair (she had red hair just like Molly Ringwald).  So if you meet Molly the woman I have here described, be careful.  She likes to taunt her cats with little rodent dolls and then she likes to throw the mice in her walls a carefully placed bone that smells like rotting wood.   So if Molly is a good girl, maybe she will be a popular talk show host some day.  She did say she likes to be on the camera and that she likes to dance in the downtown stores.  But that said, she is not the most benevolent of persons.  She likes to dance completely dressed (not naked of course) in the balcony of the Ford Theatre where Abraham Lincoln was assassinated.  Molly reasons that the theatre is a nice place and that if Abe really had lived, he would have been dancing there too.  So it makes sense at a certain level, but I am still remorseful and just don't like to see horror shows when I visit a nice theatre that has historical value.
So Sally, I am waiting for your phone call one day.  Did you get that red sports car that makes your red hair look so orange?  I bet you did.  But that said, I think you are really a cool kid and I will never make fun of your red sports car or your orange minivan.   Thanks.

Louis Louis the Totem Pole Surgeon

There is a man named Louis Louis.  He liked to walk to school alone and when he got there, he would chop down the trees and make totem poles during recess.   This was a good job for him and he really liked the totem poles that he created.  Sadly, I was unable to find Louis Louis one day when the fire trucks came to the school to let the children play on them.  I was sure that Louis would like to see a fire truck and that he would like to ring the bell and sit in the drivers seat.  But that said, the totem poles really look nice and Louis has a definite industry about him that I believe will make him wealthy.  So if you see Louis someday, just nod and say hello.  He speaks ten languages and really likes to eat corn flakes while wearing his cowboy hat during the National Anthem.  That's fine with me.  Louis will go far in life but I am sad to say, he never got a fire engine truck from his father from his tenth birthday and never again liked firetrucks.  So sadly, Louis, I just hope you never have children who like firetrucks because if you do, they may not be able to smile again when they learn that you just don't like them any more.   That's ok though.  I like firetrucks a little bit and I even get to drive one once every month if I want.

Frumpy Sally the Happy Face Drawer

There once was a girl named Sally.  She dressed quite frumpy but fortunately everywhere she went, she drew happy faces.  First she would make them green and then they might be silver.  Later they would be red or blue and finally the last one she made would be yellow.  I liked Sally when we met, but her sense of humor was really a little bit funny for her frumpiness.  She liked to eat carrots alot and when she ate them, she would stick them in her nose first and then draw a smiley face with the remaining carrots in her plate.   I thought this was going to make me sick but I really have to say that as time has gone by, I am ok with this display and if it did make Frumpy Sally happier, so be it.   But that said, I took the carrot out of my nose that she put there one day.  It did not fit me well and I did not like the nostril being stretched out so much.
So if you meet Frumpy Sally, just ask her for a radish.  She never puts them in her nose and she doesn't eat many of them either. 

Santa Claus's Wife, the Termagant

In an alternate reality, there exists a Santa Clause who wears a blue suit and his wife is a real trouble maker.   She likes to read books about poetry, but the poetry is the erotic sort of poetry.  She likes to dance for Santa in her high heels and she even farts a lot in the presence of visitors to Santa's Workshop.  Sadly for her, and her name is Tracy the Christmas Walker, she is unable to have children with Santa, save for three healthy kids who are named Larry, Curly and Moe.  These three sons bring them immense happiness, but they are three funny children with silly names too right?  So if you meet this Tracy of Santa's home, please tell her that she looks good in red but she should really wear blue and match Santa's suit.  It would be nice if she didn't fart so much in company and if she doesn't stop drinking booze, she might not live to be 100.  I didn't think she was going to be a good friend of mine, but that said, I think that the farting is really funny, except that is really smells bad.   Thanks Tracy.  You Rule that Workshop that Santa built with his father's fortune!

Sir Mark Bob Lloyd of the Paradise Patrol

There was once a fellow named Mark who liked to be called Sir Mark.  His middle name is Bob and his last name is Lloyd.  Mark was a busy fellow and he always cared for his elderly father and his elderly grandfather as well.  One day Mark was busy counting his dollars in his piggy bank and he found himself a special quarter that was actually shaped like a hexagon.   It was a true American Quarter, but it really had a funny shape to it.  He took it out and rather than holding onto it and investigating as to whether it had collectors potential, he tossed it in the bathroom sink and it went down the drain.  That amused Sir Mark and he let the water run and he never saw it again.  But lo and behold the next day he learned that it was a special order quarter and was valued at three million dollars.  Sadly, Sir Mark did not even care either.  His amusement was worth more to him than any monetary reward.   But sadly for Sir Mark, his house needed repairs.  He did not have the funding to pay for a new roof and it leaked badly.   He knew this before he tossed the quarter but that was ok with him.  He could tolerate the leaky roof.  He liked to sing in the rain once in a while.  But that said, he had floor boards that just did not hold his weight.  Once in a while, his foot would slip through the floor boards and end up in the basement.   That was still ok with Sir Mark, he liked to hop around and though that it made him a stronger runner.   So if you see Sir Mark today, just mention to him that he smells like Oreo cookies.  It is rumored that Sir Mark Bob Lloyd has bought the rights to Oreo cookies and their fortune.   He likes to eat the cookies a lot and if you mention to him that he smells of them, he is likely to give you a box of Oreos free of charge.   Just don't ask him what he did when the house's windows all fell out of their window sills and now he has a flock of geese that fly around and make droppings on his Oreo cookie collection.      If he only could fix that house up!

Tye Dye Shirt Maker of the Third Kind

There once was a woman named Donna and she liked to make The Dye Shirts. She made them morning noon and night and she even worked on holidays. Donna was given jobs in the highest of precincts in the United States and her tye dye shirts always sold out among those who really liked tye dye. So that said, if you meet Donna, just nod and speak to her about the color yellow and maybe the color red. Don't bring up the color purple, however, because Donna refuses to use purple in her tye dyes. Its said that it leaves her shirts too clammy but I know the real reason, Donna hates purple.

Grin Master Chacko Watto

There is a certain man in the kingdom who had a special grin. He was called Chacko Watto. Chacko was a big star and he wrote many books. But Chacko had a simple error in his golf game that cost him the championship once. He hit the ball and it kept going backwards. The ball went so far backwards that he had to chase it from the parking lot of life. Chacko was wise and just and he really liked to play with matchbox cars. Chacko once bought a matchbox car of every Early Ford model ever produced. This amused Chaco and he wrote to a Governor in China and shared all of his toys. The Chinese were happy because their Governor was happy. So everything was still ok in the kingdom regardless of the horrible Gold Championship that Chacko never stood a chance in winning. Thanks, Chacko. We are all happy and we will never forget your Grin that lit up the day.

Cotton Glasses Ed

There is a man well known to all who has Glasses of cotton and likes to be called Ed. Ed was a smart man though he played with many toothpicks and asked his friends for baseball mitts for his birthday. Ed ruled the golf course with a wicked left hook that usually ended up right where he wanted it to go. Ed was famous and he really scared the natives but good. The natives all ran in all directions when Ed was present and he never saw another native in the future after he left his golf dreams.

Druid of the Skin Tag Family

There is a man named Jash and he was a Druid that lived among a family of persons who had long skin tags under their arms and on their necks. The Skin Tag Family was prosperous and well known and they were all happy people. Druid Jash was a busy soul and he liked to write long histories on the internet about life, liberty and happiness. But Druid had a small flaw, he was a druid while his family was actually a family of elves. That was ok and they got along just fine. But if you do meet Jash, don't ask him for a cup of tea. He will refuse. And don't ask him to be your running mate if you run for office. He just wants to run the entire show himself. So be good Jash and we will all prosper and be happy. Just don't write about popsicle sticks and good times. We might read a book by Martin Luther King Jr. instead. Thanks.

Winky Mighty

There once was a man named Winky. He was a Mighty Warrior. Winky liked to fight against elephants and donkeys and he liked to do it with a piece of chalk in his hand. Winky woke up every morning and took out his pen and wrote to the President of the United States and told the president that Winky was up on the president's bad ideas. Winky relished in the idea that he could make all the elephants and donkeys fight to his own tune and he wanted to make sure that each person he met also wanted to dine with the Kings of Spain, France and any Asylum that you might find.

Tyke Toons 3 is here

https://www.createspace.com/3589936



Book three in the series that lampoons the "usual" and discusses the "unusual".

Ticky Tocky Tin Pan Man of Fudgesickle Hallways of Life

I know a saint of the sorts of children you may encounter at the pet store in the mall.  He is understanding and he loves the St. Bernards.  I liked him when I saw him sitting with a book one day.  He was reading at a young age and he liked to play the boat yard circuit in his bathtub.  I think that he normally looks insincere but only when you ask him if he really wanted that fudgesickle that is spread out all over his face.  I call this child DavoBavoBero and he is a winner.   Really.  But don't take his fudgesickle away more than once in his lifetime.  He will let you do it but then you'll get that evil eye the second time you try it.

Odor Eating Messiah

There is a small school child that I met when playing golf that really is a messiah of sorts.  He laughs in a beautiful stream of tones and he smells like grass in a ball park.  This guy is my friend and I hope he lives a good while, right?  So that's that.  If you meet him and his name is really DeNicko, tell him that innings are up and that he ought to go in and clean himself up.  I don't need his ties to be on my camel hump and I don't need his bed pan to be in my dining room either.  So DeNicko, get thee to a job and bake some bagels to take away that odor of the grass stains.  Get me?  Thanks.

Stockholm Binding Marble Eater

There once was a man from Stockholm and he bound books for a living.  He lived like a king but he dined like a fool.  Jeff was his name and he aced algebra with his eye patched on one side.  This was good and Jeff was always an A student.  One day Jeff walked into a basement of his friend's home and beat him in chess.  This left his friend annoyed but quite amazed.  Jeff really never even played chess before in his life and his friend played nightly.  So Jeff had something special and we all really knew that he would get a big head over his true trust in his skills and his intellect.  That said, I sent Jeff a telegram the other day and told him that he might win a free chess set if he bought some marbles for the Prince of Stockholm.  Jeff refused since he actually liked to eat marbles and if he gave them to a Prince, the Prince might not be his friend after seeing that they might have been chewed upon.  So Jeff stayed in the clock tower and threw some marbles that he chewed upon into the streets below thinking that someone might like to see them bounce on the pavement. 
Jeff is exceptional in his money making skills and he owns a yacht and a baseball diamond as well.  The baseball diamond is very special and because of this he only lets the Cincinnati Reds play versus the Pittsburgh Pirates in his diamond. 
So if you ever see my friend who binds books from Stockholm, remind him that he once tasted a marble that did not agree with him and that marble is now on display in the Smithsonian Institution.  I will be there to take photographs and Jeff might like to see that marbles really look good when they are rolling in the football stadiums of life.   Thanks.

Guido of today

There once was a man named guido. And he lived a perfect life. He said hello to the women and children and he even married and had his own family. He never said a mocking word and he never cursed the existence of any given man woman or child.
So Guido makes sense and he lives fine. But that said, don't mess with Guido. He might curse your pocket book or he might curse your hearing. He can curse your happiness and he can curse your wallet. So be good and let Guido be his own man. Thanks.

Cocktail the Pirate Kicker

There once was a man named Cocktail and he drank Pina Coladas.  He worked for the bank and one day he went to Las Vegas.  He was mesmerized by the Pirate Display outside one of the casinos and watched as the pirates went about their daily routine and even as the ship sank into the water.   This was amazing.  He had never seen such a show and never imagined that the world could have such fine entertainment.  So he went into the casino, ordered three Pina Coladas and went out to share them with two of the pirates.  This was a smart move he considered because if he could consort with an actor, he was cool through and through.
That was smart of course, but sadly the pirates were forbidden to drink on the job.  So Coctail whose real name was Paul the Great General told the pirate to stop working and leave the job.  The pirate refused and Paul kicked him swiftly in the head and the gut section.  This was not very smart, but the Pina Coladas made the pirate feel better.   So guess what?  The day ended and the pirates still did their show.  It was ok. Paul only kicked them with slippers on his feet.  And they didn't see it coming and no one knew he kicked them either.  It was as if an invisible foot reached out and kicked the pirate.  But that's ok.  The pirate was not in too much pain over all and his day was not really ruined.  And that Pina Colada that was frozen actually sort of felt good on his face.   But that was a nasty day and Paul never watched the Pirates very much in the future.  It was good to know Paul in life.  He was a Great General and lead a section of Bassoon players into the End Zone of a Football Stadium in the Biloxi Rose Garden in Mississippi.  It was ok with me that Paul was a real live General.  He commanded the troops into battle and they liked that he did not smoke a pipe or a cigar or even a cigarette of course.  Paul was slightly an opera fan, but he never went to see the best operas as he really just liked to watch the pirates do their jazz.
Thanks for your mind of life about eating Filet Mignon Paul.  Its good to be a General and when I command my troops, I'll just think of General Patton instead.